NIGHTS THAT DONT END BEFORE I TURN 19

i hit the magic 88 the last time but this ones for 89 the last time.

sometime ill pray for you who are preyed on
how long more will my hurt go on
is the world really not enough anymore
im outta love with ya
i dont get it too
its so hard to understand
what my heart really wants
where does my truth lie
surely not here where i feel outta place
this world so not worth to live in
its gotten so boring
the concrete is eating me
i should be out there trying
but im still learning
big dreams in my head how do i put them out
for all to see
how do i say my thoughts out without being shot down
how do i say what i feel without letting someone down
is this where i have led myself to,
19 but id rather be at 2
whats the point of getting older
when there is no more joy every time you look over your shoulder
who wants a life of regret
we all have these dreams we see in our head
is it so hard to participate
why do we always anticipate
cant we just stay
why do i feel like ive let myself down yet again
i know this is not where i wanna be in


this is not who i am
i am so much more than what was meant to be
ive dropped down
from an iron man to slab of fat
gotta feel alife again
why doesnt anyone do anything real anymore
and i say thank you to those who do
im guilty as charged now take me away from this virtual reality
draw the curtains and let the games begin
i know i took more than a year
but now im here
ill keep up to what i said
not 10 years but one
in the words of the west

Welcome To Heart Brake


let me drown out
let me go away
how how
how do i feel
why do i have to feel this way
theres no one to blame but myself
no one gets where im at
the ones who hear me out done listen
im done
back to the one man game how long before i begin
keep telling myself one more day
one more day
ive taken about a billion of em



let me push this up a tempo
let u feel as high as a nympho
dont try to break my concentration and my thoughts
im here making my own history
so i can be remembered long after were history
i was told to find true love
but what i want is something else
i aint into that
as my dad said leave tt to faith

cus cus cus

im still here standing and i aint gonna be falling
it took me so long to turn 19
but im still feeling like im 13
all over again when will realisty set in
how did i end up this way
i had it all planned out
a screw up
HAHA

how
what
does it take
for me to restart all over again
if i had a time machine i would go back to 15 and do it all over again


there aint no more time to waste


im stuck here and no one showed up this evening
all alone stuck in here crying
i hear her screaming reaching her hand out
but i aint taking
this bait
not this time
ou cant let me get caught

time for you to let me go
im stuk here but it aint gonna be alife sentence
im gonna start again from scratch
without all of ya
alot i learnt this past year
so stupid at the begining
now im a freaking genuis
or id like to think
i lost it all
but ill get it back in a sec
and ull see

i aint boasting
but i dont want your hand
i aint taking bait
i aint goona let u leave me here again
i need space some time to grow

wow this is amazing 20 mins and im still typing
this is therupatic supposed to let my frustration out
24 hours left till i take my last breath 89
i reached the end know u dont know what im talking about
dont worry i aint sucidal
took my last release awhile ago
now i feel relieved
cus its my last time
haha
bet u dont know what im talking about
again
lost part 2
dont cry cus everyone has lost the plot

i want you to understand one thing
im stuck here
in this rut
how long more must the paing go on
8 on 8 im going on to 9 so dont cry
lost again
88 poems in a year and half not all u read but tts not nuff
dont run now
dont run now crying is pointless
resistance futile
cus i got the dice and i control where it ends
my hand the stick and the hat
bet u wondering what is he going on about
does it matter
they all looking now
i gotta get up
cant stand this humiliation
i needa run
let me go
let me go
let me go
before i explode
im kinda gone into my own zone
you wont leave me alone
first i was all alone
back here again
this is where the story begins ive done all i wanted to
now i begin again
but my heart yearns
my heart yearn
it yearns for something new
adventure
adventure
adventure
greatest explorer
reformer
where does this end is yet to be seen



paranoid

why am i
feeling this way
i know paranoia aint leadin me nowhere but to new phobias
you keeping me worried grounded
im expecting something
but somehow you left me stranded
so now i aint going back i hope u can understand
how long u want me to go on before u can comprehend
i dont even trust me own hands i gotta keep looking up


anyway let me go let me go let me go
so i can fly
like the birds in the sky yet im afriad of heights
how much higher must i go before i can be let go
let me go
let me see
what this u got u gonna let me go? cus this balls getting heavy and the act old
i cant stand the chains no more
my bad
should have seen this coming
im psychic remembered
should have never made promises i cant keep up to
shall keep my mouth shut
i wanna run i wana run
let me go so i can fly like the birds in the sky
how long before u understand that im lost and i dont wanna be found cus i wanna start afresh tts how i work
sorry i have to complecate it for your head
random thoughts
wow im up to 20 mins amazing
still got thoughts,
P.S. this is not about anybody
and now we carry on
the best thing comes on
school
thoughts
love
dreams
how they make something this fine
where they find lingo like this
get everybody hooked
she looking at me from across the room
how do i let go

ok ok ok ok
ok ok ok ok
ok ok ok ok

let me go now let me go now

cus cus cus ure leading me away from where i wanna go
damn
stop

im mesmerised by your lingering stare im stuck here staring
lost in the gaze and nothing more
its so hard to achieve
ok ok ok ok
o kok ok ok
ok ok ok ok
let me go now
let me go now

damn stop

how long more how long more u want me to look like a robot
u gonna make a move or u gonna not stop
ok ok ok ok ok
ok ok ok ok ok
ok ok ok ok ok
youre gonna kknock me out
cold
on the floot
youre gonna knock me out

i left home to run away i ended back here
where i begin
youre a big town women whos lost
you dont understand youre worlds too small for me

ok ok ok ok ok ok ok ok ok okok ok ok ok ok ok

oooohhhhhhhhhhhhh
im lost
im lost

ure making me laugh
oh how u do that with the music u make
damn this is hot but but i gotta go
i cant stay and make another mistake
___________________________________________________________________
let me go
so i can start over again
how do i begin
i ran away so i can grow up all i did was party and get back in time
dont get y im doing this
i gotta be awake but i dont wanna feel like im in a prision cell again
i wanna be free i hope u get that
i like the road not the farm

not the farm
not the farm
not the farm

u dont get that
u dont get that

how long will you take to realise that i left so i can catch fresh breathe
dont let this come back to haunt me
i know youre tearing cus im psychic dont let them brake you down
you gotta be strong without me being there
this words wont make sense
butll take you so long to read youll fall asleep but this is how i communicate
cus i suck at words
so i write random things
hope u understand

____________________________________________________________________
waiting on a dream
waiting to leave there so i can catch that plane to my dream
nobody gets
whme when i say im gona be the greatest
i get stares
look at that fool
how long


fool
fool
fool
fool


fool
fool
fool


foool


oh how i end up seating down here
let me get over the bridge not under
my dreams all lost in my sleep my youth how can i waste
my news channels all fuzy cus u used to write the news baby
now im all over it for all the wrong reasons

i got stucj in another prision
i thought i was signing to be free
think about it

help me out or are i gonna let me rot as a fool
fool
fool
fool
fool
foll


fool
fool
fool
fool
fool


fool
fool
fool
fool
fool


let the music play





the night is late
the dames are in bed
im alone
and cold
all the long nights
no one see me cry
cus all my thougts betray me

my feelings have left me
can someone melt this heart again

i live the nights
for the lights
no more sun
i run
so i can stay fly
i run so i can fly and i fly so ill be seen
whereever i go
wherever i go
wherever i go

will u realise now tt im stuck
i aint movin
im stuck in this rut
cus u brought me here
now u want me back
will u realise ure the reason i have nightmares
you brought back the boogey man
so now im stuck stuck in this rut

let me go
so i can run
let me go so i can live for the lights
so the sun can touch my skin once again
cus the nights too dark

how do u sleep
so peacefully
dream happily
leave me all stranded
i know my languge is kinda strong
my minds all lost cus cus cus u know
u left me stranded
now the boogey mans coming
hes haunting my dreams and its all your fault will he leave me alone
i aint got no rights
hes eating and tearing my insides
_____________________________________________________________________

how many nights do i cry
do i cry
cus the only people who love me are gone
when will u realise that all the best things i gave away
when will u see that i should stop running
so i can stay when shes still ard
once shes gone ill cry nah ill lie

love so subtle yet hard
winter
winter
winter winds tearing me up
the snow is piling up
my heart is betaing hard
too bad no one can hear my cry my heaert stops

i feel no more
can someone melt away my past and bring me back to when i was young again
goodbye for now send me spring
spring
spring
so i can melt and slip away
______________________________________________________________________

i hear his track and realise mines better
im all alone
got everything i asked for
but not these 2
all the money cant buy me the stuff i need
all my wants have left me here
i see the satellites and the clouds
but i cant find myself
the mirror reflects something tts not me
my heart is not melt
my heart is frozen like ice
yet my heart hurts
why no freestyle
tt was the real thing
i lost my life
so now ill make a deal cause i no longer need this one
i realise now nothing in this world excites me no more
why no freestyle
im real
but my thoughts exist no where
its like im brain dead like a zombie
think about all the technicalities
and realise
it aint my thing to be fake
to please everyone
make myself feel inferior
why does no one realise that my heart can brake too
doesnt mean im not real means i cant be hurt doesnt no one understand this aint a poem
but my hearts song which has no melody but crazy people screaming
but but
nothing can ever let me go
its so late but its all my fault
crying not letting it go
cus im over now
i dont get
why its taking u so long
to comprehend what i said before
damn
my heart too cold boy
i aint got no way
i aint got no way im stuck here
Timothy almost outta here and pointless words about to make sense
one last time
i need an encore cus i aint no robot



she straight outta movie screen
she turned me ard
she always checking me out and the stuff i do
she never leaveme alone
told her to let it go
ok ok ok ok ok
ok ok ok ok ok
ok o kok ok ok


i need my space get it let me go
so i can do my thing
stop
listen
you aint my mum
my phonea off limits i dont really care about money
she kinda small but hot as hell
cus shes the cutest thing ard
sorry but i gotta say
ok ok ok ok ok ok
ok ok ok ok ok ok
ok ok ok ok ok ok ok
how long more will i have a second more

i aint used to be told stop so i aint ure robot
stop it now
i hear ure pain
so dont ask and u wont know
so thered be no pain



youre just a lil gal
youre just a lil gal
you left me stranded
you just left me there
youre still young you gotta see
the works so big
yet yet yetyoure stuck within your room

youre just a lil thing in this world
you do realise i know ure drinking
but thhose jokes are getting old

good night and sweet dreams


____________________________________________________________________
listen the the final version of robocop probably the best song ever

Go Hard
leave me out in the cold to burn
cus my heart the flame and no one can douse
my lirycally unacclaimed lil ass stuff
aint stuff i need for u to understand
what i say aint litteral
metaaphores understand
alot of dissing going on
i
need a break from this bull shit

i m ok
i m ok
i m ok
dont let me being

this is so long this is so hard
im the one who put my elbow in his face
th next bouncer who piss me off
ill put it in their face specaily to those fucking promoters
i hold my self down wathc my own back comprehend
im gonna be iron man again
fuck this world and this bull shit its my time to resurface

FUCK ALL OF YOU
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAA
KIDDING
BUT SERIOUSLY

I GO HARD
NIGHT MUTHAFUCKAS
COMPREHEND
ESSE

itll be REALLY LONG BEFORE ILL EVER BE PROUD OF MY SELF
BUT FUCK THAT
IM GONNA LIVE IT
CUS I AINT NO FUCKING ROBOT AND I AINT USED TOBEING TOLD STOP FAST OR SLOW YOU CAN STAY OR GO