TIMOTHY Alexander Felix's Lifeless Life

2010-10-29T09:04:00.000-07:00

im stuck in the world
but im sick of being alone
thru all the pain
i cried never
all these people walking by
and im looking on
these lonely nights
empty beds
long nights drinking straight outta the bottle
they said its time to get out
but im still stuck staring down
but my life seems stagnant now
all this talk abotu constantly being in place
but im still standing all the people around me oppionated
no one seems real no more with the fake smiles
and the menuplative ways
im sick of waiting listening
night after night waiting for the time to get outta the trash but this is ridiculous
im sick and tired of being quiet and dormant
im about to blow so get outta my flow

prayer

2010-02-28T18:59:00.000-08:00

i feel so depressed i dont know where to start
my hands still shaking from the meds i had last nite
got nabbed 4 for times yet my chest stills tight
am stuck on meds and im still not alright
just got the news that i got posted to a place not so nice
i need a miricale to save me from this alrite
god please hear my cries as i write to you this time
the weekend sucked but ended of high
the week started and punch there goes real life

i have no idea what to do this time please save me from this trouble im facing right now.

i love you with all my heart so please help me out my lord my god in my time of trouble my lord my god where should i run to hide, my lord my god i know you hear my cries

and many times u have blessed me rite so please help me out again today tonite and the days onward from tomorrow.

please hear my cries.

2009-09-02T09:21:00.000-07:00

still sick as hell
feel my nose leaking
my hands are still shaking
reeling from the aftermath barely breathing
my chest is tightening again
nothing new felt since i was 3
damn you think you'd finally recover but damn this shit too crazy
im still feeling ill
too sick to move not in a good way

i wanna get out
i did all i could but the world aint giving me back
feel like im losing it
i aint got nothing left
like everydays a nightmare
and im the only one in the dream....
t

i used to be the one first in the line
went hard never stopped balling constantly excercising
not letting the breathlessness stop me
youd think my battle probably was nothing
yea i dint go to class so i could run and get a fucking 6-pac

i wanna get out
i did all i could but the world aint giving me back
feel like im losing it
i aint got nothing left
like everydays a nightmare
and im the only one in the dream....

i aint gonna feel sorry i feel my head still heay
yes my heart is aching reeling from the heart attack that i got
i aint letting that stop me
why should i give up
im gonna run this body till it run out
nobody gonna put no limitations on me
the doctor said it about time for me to stop
but i still keep pushing till god wanna take me back
fuck i aint fearing nothing
not even death
im gonna keep going hard on this bitch till my lungs give out
or jesus come to take me back into his hands

i wanna get out
i did all i could but the world aint giving me back
feel like im losing it
i aint got nothing left
like everydays a nightmare
and im the only one in the dream....

i used to dream big but now it seems to fade away
how the fuck am i supposed to know what the fucks im supposed to do
i spent my whole life trying to get the equation rite
but i seem to only fade further into the hole
the harder i go
no one really giving me a break they expecting me to be 100 even if im at 3
what the fuck am i supposed to do
no one understands my problems
i tell em they get upset
like wtf im supposed to do
everytime i open my mouth
their faces fall out

im not mr nice guy
im the guy whod fuck you straight in the face
and not care about it.
i ait gonna sugar coat shit
so you can taste it
turd straight up
no flavoring specially for you assholes
whos mouth dont seem to ever close
all these medicines and im still stuck here wheezing
no matter how many years goo by looks like im always gonna
be coughing this goo out
am praying real hard but looks like it aint being heard
guess i do ask for everything
but this is the one i really need
but no matter how many years go
it still haunts me
comes and goes as it pleases
my mind got no control no more
i aint afraid no more

time to be a revolution
all alone no one listening to my thoughts my head bobbing
this codeine aint kicking in
im trying riddlin but that shit aint helping
im still fuckin hyper
having this bitches come over

there they go
always running their mouths acting like they know it all
my last od was so long ago
i kinda miss the rush into the room where er
is the main word
then i see clooney's face now his batman again

eh look is mr hopkins eating another bitch again

looks like even id be kept for last

i feel like im on the last strike
can hear that baseball music playing
feel like it s like the last base and im too far to reach it
where the fuck im supposed to go
when no way for me to run every exit is covered with a bitch's face
not a gal just that dick with the big mouth

2009-08-28T10:24:00.000-07:00

lived for a second what the fucks that supposed to mean
im listening to someone scream the fuck off
swamp me im listening
always keeping my mind open
people always crossing me never intending for the violence
the aftermath now thats crazy talk
got no g5 but i got bitches i can call down never dropped an album
cause nobody wanna give me a second look
got on my grind having bitches grind me down now anytime i open my mouth
people always seem to get ticked off
knowing too much seems to be a problem
wanned to have every single thing i ever seen
from that red ferrari to that lamborghini
wait does it come in cannary?
and im still trying to pop the cherry of that bitch from back when i was 14 school boy crushes
damn that shit dont go off no matter how old you grow
just gotta hit it once
pray for the fame all these dreams keep you up at night

get down on me there aint no need to be stopping
the assholes looking they always wanna have something
yea i kinda dropped out early
not gonna stop though
taught myself to be greater than that
no ones gonna stop me now

im stuck here listening a second goes by and they still bitching

how the fuck am i supposed to understand what you saying
youre mouth never stops moving all you fuckers always hating
looking down at me from the top now my head bobbing like george bush in his prime
im kinda crazy but tat aint nothing compared to those bitches looking down on me

eh eh eh
it takes about 1 2 3 there they go you can hear them screaming out loud
fuck you now
i aint no freaking legend or a man but im gonna be greater than that either
create my own word
be bigger than the mongul that had the world
the biggest empire gonna be mine and i dont really care stopping for nobody
and this gonna be my own chapter and by the time im done
let the whole world bow before me

2009-07-30T11:01:00.001-07:00

i can brealy keep my eyes open
these late nights killing me
shes not feeling me
no idea whats going on
shes now walking out
crying telling me i aint showing her nuff attention

im trynna achieve immortality
a mile away to make it
more like a 1000 if im lucky
what am i supposed to do
stay down or let go

2009-07-30T10:55:00.000-07:00

what the fucks wrong with you
youre asian not black get that in your head
dumb fuks cant spit no fuck shit
the only time u gonna be cumming
is when ure masturbating
how long more you gonna keep running your mouth
what kinda name u got
u kidding rite
fuck that shit u aint feeling
i have no idea what the fuck ull saying
dont quit ure dayjob
the fame and fortune you chase aint ever gonna come by with poems like that
the only thing u gonna get is flamed and dissed constantly
wake the fuck up
and please get that fake accent out
aint even been across the atlantic somehow u sound like a retard farting
fake accent more like retardation
get a life bitch grow up
how much longer u wanna get laughed at
please stop disgracing all of us

2009-05-27T09:47:00.000-07:00

i see her face when shes gone
when shes here i feel like its alright
now i feel like its different
my lifes running around and my tummys nervous
like it is the night before anything big
i think youre coming back
i feel you flying back
learn so much from u i have
they always applaud your brain
but i have no space for that in me
i just see what you do
thats made me wiser stronger better
a little ill now
but thats alright it works out fine in the end
think i know what i gotta do now
haha
that must be y the nerves are kicking in.
ill do it soon
first the mike then the mac
then the world
all in the works of him
i shall leave self pity behind
fool no more now left
arise man renew reborn
forget the past and future plans
lets change everything else

random

2009-05-27T09:07:00.000-07:00

Why does blogger say approximate views? cant they count?
hmmm so weird thought its digital?

my gut feels weird am nervous about something but i have no idea what!
somethings missing something!

JUST NEEDED TO WRITE SOMETHING FOR ME TO READ

2009-04-15T09:23:00.000-07:00

i wonder how many people actually have ever seen this blog,
i think its me and Nadia who gets excited every time i write some nonsense!
oh well at least there's on person!
that's better than none!!!
and i just heard a song which is the kinda song that freaking gay but makes u feel good.

i read a column in Elle today it was so weird ah
and no i don't buy Elle. Nadia had it!
its amazing how a guy actually wrote the column! he has to be either a gal acting as a guy or a gal who's real name is Alexis and wrote Alex, cause lets face it which metro sexual guy would love a mini cooper, and for all logical reasons known to man WHO ON EARTH WOULD GET HORNY OVER TINA FEY????
shes the kinda fall in love with definately not a school boy crush type!!!
GEEZ

BTW LIFE SUCKS!!!!

=/

2009-03-25T01:54:00.000-07:00

so quit crying
keep smiling
you the star of your building
true brilliant story
number one on the charts
your name so proud
yet humble
you truly are one in a million
you the valedictorian
i was the king
we were never meant to be
we made it happen
yes my grades rather pointless
lost me
im on the atlas
look on the globe and you can find
got my own country
for just you and me no more stress
just time for you to rest
you made the world so proud
with your finesse
everyone wanna be in your place
true brilliance
in a girl so small yet so big
with a heart like yours
everyone embarrassed
we break up
then we make up
you dont need to wear make up
with beauty like yours
you make every guy jealous
you look gorgeous
from the time you wake up right till you cry
no one like you the best make everyone else look like a joke
you can be the queen and one day ill be the valedictorian of the charts and make you proud
then you be the one writing out the story

2009-03-12T22:42:00.000-07:00

timmy
aint listening
too smart grew some brains
put on some pants
dont listen to em
in and out
listening then forgetting
so many people so hard to get out my shell
to many implications
too many things to be afraid off
the whole world crumbling
but im still afraid to come out
to show off what im made off
i aint no hova
but im the king
stuck in a shell
cus of the fear hear someone talking
the fear keeps coming in
time for me to get off my couch
get on my grind
so that i can shine
brighter than the day lit sky
be so high
let the world stare in envy
got so many things to worry
but no time to stay listening
got to get out of this bubble
listen to what im saying
all hail the arrival
for the king is near

2009-03-12T22:35:00.000-07:00

hey hey
waddup
droppin it
dope music
money fly
cash strapping
random words
put together
to act fly fresh so u can be at every party
roll around in a rolls
royce
too much cash to spend
dont know where to spend ure cash
lost all alone
no where to go
left alone
no friends
i was born to be something more then nothing
lost all alone
something needs to blow up
to help me out
take me out

uhhh

freezing in the cold left all alone
still gotta hold on to hope
for im not going anywhere
still undead
left to die in the cold
all alone
gitta grip myself
loook up to heaven ask christ for help
and for the moment
change my stats
so that i can be super fly
let everyone
look on envy
now everyone wanna be my best friend
aint gonna get lost
gonna get off fresh
down and out of this shit
bow out politely like the king bestows his anger to those that oppose him
haha

2009-02-17T07:55:00.000-08:00

im young and im a bloke
black and broke
got no cash in my pants
spent too much cash on em
too much everywhere but it dont matter
money matters not
i live for the authority of being on top

i am the same man who faced the devil with one eye and hand behind my back
i stood up tall and raised hell and like george foreman i am the heavy hand that broke down the devils men

heavens golden boy

i raised heaven on earth for a moment so that beggars no longer exist
we evolved and everything became better for the moment
but damn life not that easy to change the world and the mistakes of the men before us
they screwed up bad now we got to fix up the mistakes of the past
amen

rock off the socks of everyone surrounding the place where i exist
no one mans treasure is too great
a heaven for a second is better than anything for an eternity
nothing last forever
dissolve into the ground
dug up in a few million years as fossil fuel to feed the earth
just like the dinosaurs even the mightiest of us are bound to fall sometime
no matter how high up the throne one resides.
say yes to change and the next moment is history
for all those standing around to be part of this greatness
flows within
so stop talking

2009-01-03T23:35:00.000-08:00

now this is so absurd
running around like you high on viagra
get a lil coke in the system overdose on the highness
get lost in the moment
wake up the next morning and regret it
ahha
saying u aint ever gonna do it again
the next night back to doing that again
high on everything from exotic spices to cough syrup
haha
see you running to the bathroom puking
regretting
wishing you were somewhere else
so now u flying to la
haha
on the helipad
so high off the charts
so high u flying on your chopper
or or the boeing
dig up the concord from the grave and ressurect it
fly everywhere in half the time
the whole time with the lies in your head ahaha
who the fuck cares lets just get high

haha
the death of adam
the original sin
the begining
the ending
who the fuck cares lets get high
go back to the start
restart the beggining
read literature and everyone at your knees

The national

2008-12-30T06:36:00.000-08:00

well this aint my lyrics somehow i heard this today its too fitting so ill make this 101
this aint mine
but this is the last one 101

You own me
There's nothing you can do

You clean yourself to meet
The man who isn't me
You're putting on a shirt
A shirt i'll never see
The letter's in your coat
But no one's in your head
Cause you're too smart to remember
You're too smart
Lucky you

STOP TALKING BEHIND MY BACK TO MY FAMILY

2008-12-28T04:37:00.000-08:00

this ones just nice right after 99 now 100
haha
so listen
if u dont like what u read here
then dont read it
please dont go behind my back talking about it
it aint youre problem
and im fine
dont need nobody watching behind my back or what ive done
cus ive been taking care of myself all this while
its up to me if i curse in my posts my blog and my daily life
tts for me to say whats right or wrong

my word
i speak
my words i right
my life i tell it
i speak the words that i think is right
for the rest of the world to hear
if u dont like it
turn the other way
got a billion other pages to visit
stay away from this one
my words my hurt
my joy the glory the stroy
and all that
when im done ill look back
then ill know this is victory

dont talk behind my back
no one likes a tellatale
no one really likes to here someone bitching
talking about what they dont know
hope u undersstand right
and please stop the gossiping
youll a lil too old to be talking about people about time
for ull to be ure age
so im different
shoot me cus i wont hesitate to speak my mind
i dont really care about diplomatic ties
ill gldly be hated by everyone
dont really care cus i can live my whole life as hermit
no belongings belonging to nothing
live with a virtue and a principal in head
dont judge and try to be more humble
we all different so dont judge
old enuff to know whats wrong from right
whats wrong with a couple of fucks here and there
everyones got their own ways
well pay for it in due time

my word
i speak
my words i right
my life i tell it
i speak the words that i think is right
for the rest of the world to hear
if u dont like it
turn the other way
got a billion other pages to visit
stay away from this one
my words my hurt
my joy the glory the stroy
and all that
when im done ill look back
then ill know this is victory

everyone wanna look and judge me
like im the king of sin
pinpoint
this and that
oh you cursing swearing smoking and drinking doping
spending too much money on all the wrong things
but if their my sins illpay for them when i die
but i put that crap aside and let god deal with it
cus thats where i put my heart at
carry no grudges damn
dont try to tease me with money
cus i aint buying
dont try to act like ure holier innocent going to heaven
then ill see u from hell
crying out
now leave me cus i can carry the weight of everyone
and stand strong.....
let my life go on

my word
i speak
my words i right
my life i tell it
i speak the words that i think is right
for the rest of the world to hear
if u dont like it
turn the other way
got a billion other pages to visit
stay away from this one
my words my hurt
my joy the glory the stroy
and all that
when im done ill look back
then ill know this is victory

2008-12-22T18:38:00.000-08:00

pain is only for now
the future is forever

2008-12-18T00:26:00.000-08:00

i aint from the hood
im from a place where i gotta keep my head out
in the jungle all the time
24/7 gotta keepmy head on
hard for people to see
i get shot al the time
down the bullets they use here worse than those in the war
torn down
so u better be hardcore
or or
there aint no hope for u to survive
they say its impossible for an idian man
to make it outta this mess
he born in
oh oh but im different
cross me to find out my crossfire
my mind whack
my head screwed on right

what the hell you doing now
waging war what the hell is wrong with you
im the king of the world
from the east conqure more than genghis khan ever saw
i aint even try yet
with my head on the jungle my home town
shout out now

im on the skyt high tower
the one i built with the command with my voice
so extravangant
no budget
what recession
fuck that shit
i aint gonna feel it
cus my head to fly to feel depresses about it
i aint gonna waste time feeling sorry for myself and you

yea yea i got cars racked up on the street for me to jack
ahaha
kidding
dont get off
i drop off
the building
fall right into the arms
of a million people
uhh uhh
so just stop
and listen for a sec

this aint the sex game
this the anthem
how the fuck you gonna figure out
this youre life
you gotta figure it out
cant let em fuck it up
how can u let her front on u
she aint got no clothes on
are u insane?

the next time
ill get u tix to watch the next
ticks i nicked off the streets first class to LA
right down to the front door of hollywood
then down the strip lose all your cash to the casinos
cause all u got is 20 dollars
thaswat happens when u trya be rich
fake bitch
grow up

2008-12-17T23:12:00.000-08:00

im going to a place of no return where
i can struggle
and come out on the top
the alpha male
i can stand out
feel happy cus this is ends of my succes
no end to where im going
where my heart hitting
there aint nothing like my suffering
imagine a head where everything tat is said
is amplified by a million times
dramatic life
had something to do with the drama in my life
actor
but but i aint no faker
yeah im broke take my cash
i aint really need it
i can make it back just like that
cus im a fucking genius
prodigy
bitches love u
i aint being derogatory
dont judge me
i like to get laid
so dont blame me

haha oh well
i aint need cash want a tip get
in the fucking line
there aint no such things as handouts
the only thing ill hand out
is ure ass on a platter
bitch
fine dining
fillet mineon
for the rich
but since im broke ill settle for the steak
or whatever youre heart desires
no no dont cry
dont lie
i hear the gazing in youre eyes
youre words still looking for something
to do fulfill your dreams
become a mircale story
mr.history
dreaming of a life so perfect with cash and women and endless joy

but that aint perfect
ull never reach happy
till u see through it
the fake talking
the lies and all the bullshit
think to yourself how mmmanye rich peopel are really happpy
peace

explicit

2008-12-17T21:45:00.000-08:00

i got beef with too many people so
fuckers
i aint really care
my mind just on getting rich
not on knocking up chicks
bitches
whores explicit
they say we being chauvinistic

how long more will the hate go on
why do i got listen to this crap
i aint really afraid
cus cus
youre bullshit giving me a headache
im done listening to your bullshit
ill see u in awhile

once upon a time
the princess had a say to what to do to me
i was too far below
stuck in a rut
with alot of people shouting
looking down on me
i jumped out burst outta the chains
so now im fly as hell
get the fuck behind
and then i see em running the other way,
bitches
my favourite word dope
comprehend?
haha
this my shit
ha ha ha ha ha

allow me to re-introduce myself
my name is tim
hope u hear that
it aint bim or him
im the man
whos always on the top
got more cash than nobody
haha
too broke for youre ass to comprehend and im proud
nothing to stand up for
dont cry
dont let me loose
cus im a fucking beast
more vicious than wolverine
like hugh jackman gone lost
during the origins
too much heart pain turned to hate
hhaha and fuck u bitches cus rap the shit

2008-12-17T21:38:00.000-08:00

haha
so long
so long
gotta get your own style
dont judge me fuckers

i am a hypocrite
and im someone alot of people hate
on a hit list so short
ccus my name the only one on it
got kinda long
Timothy Alexander Felix
oh wait u forgot my last name
bitch
tafr there is a reason for the abbriviation
a reason for my existence
im done asking how long more
cus im making my voice heard without doubt
money the devil
but im chasing after something bigger
so that ill be here long after im gone
my name remembered
when i change and let my mind lose
i got my back covered cus i got family
so think twice before u corss the line

i am the shit
before u cross the line
remember what im about
i like to listen to shits thats rel
not like your fake shit
dont lyrically challenge me
cus commone up there and im right behind the line
using my common sense

this is my story the begining of becoming
the greatest
bigger than lennon and the king
i aint letting my ass get stuck in here
im too creative
too high smart
my life lost in its own world
i aitn really care what u think
y u think im ignoring you
and youre words
a genius with so much strength
born small and tiny
but now im a fucking beast
tafr hear me souding it out

i am the shit
before u cross the line
remember what im about
i like to listen to shits thats real
not like your fake shit
dont lyrically challenge me
cus common up there and im right behind the line
using my common sense

2 for 2

2008-12-17T19:44:00.000-08:00

think im getting better at this
right there i stop
my mind no more focus
lose track of this verse
rambling
on random things
how do i survive
make my name suffice
when im just the king
taking the glory from the story i wrote
how do i make something so high and mighty
dont cry

cuase my reign from here to infinty
even the sky's not high nuff
my sstyle so high up
swag like im flier
broke just like all of ya
yet i canna afford to drope a couple of stacks on whatever i like
my life yet i got so much time to waste
how did this happen
my evolution
one night
tts all it took
now i feel like im reborn again
listen to me
just this one time

the bomb about to go off
im about to get off this chair
been seating for way to olong
i say more with less
so i hope u comprehend
whatever i have to say.

i run run
faster than you can go
faster than any verse you have to say
cus my legs like flash there aint no end to my enegry
see the birth of a new prodigy
even at the brink of death all i could think
about was me to accomplish what the world dreams about
i aint arrogant
i never look the other direction
dont get me wrong
when i say youre fucked bitch drown out in sorrow cry not no more
i try
just one more time
i try
just one more time
one more time
one more time
one more time

stop crying
stop crying
stop crying
stop crrying
youre FUCKED SO JUST DIEEEE
youre fuckedd so jususet die
die
die
die
die
die

ahha
cus this my world in my head
essae

change interlude

2008-12-17T19:38:00.000-08:00

FUCK THAT

one 2 many times i hear hear
that
no chance for me to survive
homliness
cus im living holiness
with a ddifferent agenda
respecting the language of just one thing
haha
sex drive
lex my name
i
am high
so doubt my very reason for existence
no more flight
i run so fast
dont need to fly i run across water
cause im too bored to walk
how long more
will it take for this to end
dam i waste too much time
seating fwaiting for the day to end
i cant wait
no more
dont let me rot
leave me out to fly

there aint no end
to my journey
this just the begining
cause i got no money
but now now
im at a fortunes end
or i wanna be
at the beggining
in the road to riches and fame
thats alli think about
stay awake at night
thinking about having it way before im even making anything
the only thing to keep me up at night
nothing more to live for make my name say my peace
change the world then let the inevitable take its course
damn
amen

change

2008-12-17T01:46:00.000-08:00

i bounce back in a sec,
this time i swear this one aint at you
so i dont wanna hear about it

how long does it take for me to see no
how did i end up feeling this way again
i was suppose to restart
you hear me restart
press the reset button
in a second restart back to the begining!

but i guess its much harder
no more time to bitch
i gotta start shaking off the dirt
so i can get an upstart on this destiny
write history
in my image
be the greatest
in the league of the almighty
but i highly doubt ill ever be that holy
i dont really care about what they got to say honestly
im done with the self-righteuos haters

looking at me like im a sinner
and their better
got their pictures pasted up all over
like they higher than the place heavens and angels reside

why did they put up a front
like they perfect like the earth
or like this is their earth to run
how long more will all the wars wage on
till we see were meant to be peaceful
how long more will we tear
about the injustice of day to day
again

yet we sit at the dinner table and pray
say its a shame and end it with pity there
will we grow outta this?
i pray each day
yet yet im still the same
guess i just gotta go out to make my own change
say peace and then amen
give thanks for one last time
and all the choices we made.
say good night close the door and leave

Beats, late nights& changes of heart

2008-12-08T08:19:00.000-08:00

channel cruise
stuck
starch
fats
think i messed up real bad
no one coming to my help
this ones on me
maybe im wrong
is it desire or wrong
where did i go right
this last time
one more night
sorry
think i messed up again
lost in space
haha
dont sweat
please dont get lost but understand this
channel cruise
this one is really not for you
but me
not for you to infer either
or ull get it confused with something else
purely for me

how do i just go on
ive so many things in my head to think
suddenly its all so blur
what happened to the clear
will i ever get out of here
realise where is clear

the road so cold and long
the nights so long and alone
how do i put it i never thought this was coming
suddenly my heart changes its directions
nobody here to fell it beat
not here anymore
alone

all alone in the room of purple and blue
and the things of desire
but not the happenings of need....

NIGHTS THAT DONT END BEFORE I TURN 19

2008-12-03T07:20:00.000-08:00

i hit the magic 88 the last time but this ones for 89 the last time.

sometime ill pray for you who are preyed on
how long more will my hurt go on
is the world really not enough anymore
im outta love with ya
i dont get it too
its so hard to understand
what my heart really wants
where does my truth lie
surely not here where i feel outta place
this world so not worth to live in
its gotten so boring
the concrete is eating me
i should be out there trying
but im still learning
big dreams in my head how do i put them out
for all to see
how do i say my thoughts out without being shot down
how do i say what i feel without letting someone down
is this where i have led myself to,
19 but id rather be at 2
whats the point of getting older
when there is no more joy every time you look over your shoulder
who wants a life of regret
we all have these dreams we see in our head
is it so hard to participate
why do we always anticipate
cant we just stay
why do i feel like ive let myself down yet again
i know this is not where i wanna be in

this is not who i am
i am so much more than what was meant to be
ive dropped down
from an iron man to slab of fat
gotta feel alife again
why doesnt anyone do anything real anymore
and i say thank you to those who do
im guilty as charged now take me away from this virtual reality
draw the curtains and let the games begin
i know i took more than a year
but now im here
ill keep up to what i said
not 10 years but one
in the words of the west

Welcome To Heart Brake

let me drown out
let me go away
how how
how do i feel
why do i have to feel this way
theres no one to blame but myself
no one gets where im at
the ones who hear me out done listen
im done
back to the one man game how long before i begin
keep telling myself one more day
one more day
ive taken about a billion of em

let me push this up a tempo
let u feel as high as a nympho
dont try to break my concentration and my thoughts
im here making my own history
so i can be remembered long after were history
i was told to find true love
but what i want is something else
i aint into that
as my dad said leave tt to faith

cus cus cus

im still here standing and i aint gonna be falling
it took me so long to turn 19
but im still feeling like im 13
all over again when will realisty set in
how did i end up this way
i had it all planned out
a screw up
HAHA

how
what
does it take
for me to restart all over again
if i had a time machine i would go back to 15 and do it all over again

there aint no more time to waste

im stuck here and no one showed up this evening
all alone stuck in here crying
i hear her screaming reaching her hand out
but i aint taking
this bait
not this time
ou cant let me get caught

time for you to let me go
im stuk here but it aint gonna be alife sentence
im gonna start again from scratch
without all of ya
alot i learnt this past year
so stupid at the begining
now im a freaking genuis
or id like to think
i lost it all
but ill get it back in a sec
and ull see

i aint boasting
but i dont want your hand
i aint taking bait
i aint goona let u leave me here again
i need space some time to grow

wow this is amazing 20 mins and im still typing
this is therupatic supposed to let my frustration out
24 hours left till i take my last breath 89
i reached the end know u dont know what im talking about
dont worry i aint sucidal
took my last release awhile ago
now i feel relieved
cus its my last time
haha
bet u dont know what im talking about
again
lost part 2
dont cry cus everyone has lost the plot

i want you to understand one thing
im stuck here
in this rut
how long more must the paing go on
8 on 8 im going on to 9 so dont cry
lost again
88 poems in a year and half not all u read but tts not nuff
dont run now
dont run now crying is pointless
resistance futile
cus i got the dice and i control where it ends
my hand the stick and the hat
bet u wondering what is he going on about
does it matter
they all looking now
i gotta get up
cant stand this humiliation
i needa run
let me go
let me go
let me go
before i explode
im kinda gone into my own zone
you wont leave me alone
first i was all alone
back here again
this is where the story begins ive done all i wanted to
now i begin again
but my heart yearns
my heart yearn
it yearns for something new
adventure
adventure
adventure
greatest explorer
reformer
where does this end is yet to be seen

paranoid

why am i
feeling this way
i know paranoia aint leadin me nowhere but to new phobias
you keeping me worried grounded
im expecting something
but somehow you left me stranded
so now i aint going back i hope u can understand
how long u want me to go on before u can comprehend
i dont even trust me own hands i gotta keep looking up

anyway let me go let me go let me go
so i can fly
like the birds in the sky yet im afriad of heights
how much higher must i go before i can be let go
let me go
let me see
what this u got u gonna let me go? cus this balls getting heavy and the act old
i cant stand the chains no more
my bad
should have seen this coming
im psychic remembered
should have never made promises i cant keep up to
shall keep my mouth shut
i wanna run i wana run
let me go so i can fly like the birds in the sky
how long before u understand that im lost and i dont wanna be found cus i wanna start afresh tts how i work
sorry i have to complecate it for your head
random thoughts
wow im up to 20 mins amazing
still got thoughts,
P.S. this is not about anybody
and now we carry on
the best thing comes on
school
thoughts
love
dreams
how they make something this fine
where they find lingo like this
get everybody hooked
she looking at me from across the room
how do i let go

ok ok ok ok
ok ok ok ok
ok ok ok ok

let me go now let me go now

cus cus cus ure leading me away from where i wanna go
damn
stop

im mesmerised by your lingering stare im stuck here staring
lost in the gaze and nothing more
its so hard to achieve
ok ok ok ok
o kok ok ok
ok ok ok ok
let me go now
let me go now

damn stop

how long more how long more u want me to look like a robot
u gonna make a move or u gonna not stop
ok ok ok ok ok
ok ok ok ok ok
ok ok ok ok ok
youre gonna kknock me out
cold
on the floot
youre gonna knock me out

i left home to run away i ended back here
where i begin
youre a big town women whos lost
you dont understand youre worlds too small for me

ok ok ok ok ok ok ok ok ok okok ok ok ok ok ok

oooohhhhhhhhhhhhh
im lost
im lost

ure making me laugh
oh how u do that with the music u make
damn this is hot but but i gotta go
i cant stay and make another mistake
___________________________________________________________________
let me go
so i can start over again
how do i begin
i ran away so i can grow up all i did was party and get back in time
dont get y im doing this
i gotta be awake but i dont wanna feel like im in a prision cell again
i wanna be free i hope u get that
i like the road not the farm

not the farm
not the farm
not the farm

u dont get that
u dont get that

how long will you take to realise that i left so i can catch fresh breathe
dont let this come back to haunt me
i know youre tearing cus im psychic dont let them brake you down
you gotta be strong without me being there
this words wont make sense
butll take you so long to read youll fall asleep but this is how i communicate
cus i suck at words
so i write random things
hope u understand

____________________________________________________________________
waiting on a dream
waiting to leave there so i can catch that plane to my dream
nobody gets
whme when i say im gona be the greatest
i get stares
look at that fool
how long

fool
fool
fool
fool

fool
fool
fool

foool

oh how i end up seating down here
let me get over the bridge not under
my dreams all lost in my sleep my youth how can i waste
my news channels all fuzy cus u used to write the news baby
now im all over it for all the wrong reasons

i got stucj in another prision
i thought i was signing to be free
think about it

help me out or are i gonna let me rot as a fool
fool
fool
fool
fool
foll

fool
fool
fool
fool
fool

fool
fool
fool
fool
fool

let the music play

the night is late
the dames are in bed
im alone
and cold
all the long nights
no one see me cry
cus all my thougts betray me

my feelings have left me
can someone melt this heart again

i live the nights
for the lights
no more sun
i run
so i can stay fly
i run so i can fly and i fly so ill be seen
whereever i go
wherever i go
wherever i go

will u realise now tt im stuck
i aint movin
im stuck in this rut
cus u brought me here
now u want me back
will u realise ure the reason i have nightmares
you brought back the boogey man
so now im stuck stuck in this rut

let me go
so i can run
let me go so i can live for the lights
so the sun can touch my skin once again
cus the nights too dark

how do u sleep
so peacefully
dream happily
leave me all stranded
i know my languge is kinda strong
my minds all lost cus cus cus u know
u left me stranded
now the boogey mans coming
hes haunting my dreams and its all your fault will he leave me alone
i aint got no rights
hes eating and tearing my insides
_____________________________________________________________________

how many nights do i cry
do i cry
cus the only people who love me are gone
when will u realise that all the best things i gave away
when will u see that i should stop running
so i can stay when shes still ard
once shes gone ill cry nah ill lie

love so subtle yet hard
winter
winter
winter winds tearing me up
the snow is piling up
my heart is betaing hard
too bad no one can hear my cry my heaert stops

i feel no more
can someone melt away my past and bring me back to when i was young again
goodbye for now send me spring
spring
spring
so i can melt and slip away
______________________________________________________________________

i hear his track and realise mines better
im all alone
got everything i asked for
but not these 2
all the money cant buy me the stuff i need
all my wants have left me here
i see the satellites and the clouds
but i cant find myself
the mirror reflects something tts not me
my heart is not melt
my heart is frozen like ice
yet my heart hurts
why no freestyle
tt was the real thing
i lost my life
so now ill make a deal cause i no longer need this one
i realise now nothing in this world excites me no more
why no freestyle
im real
but my thoughts exist no where
its like im brain dead like a zombie
think about all the technicalities
and realise
it aint my thing to be fake
to please everyone
make myself feel inferior
why does no one realise that my heart can brake too
doesnt mean im not real means i cant be hurt doesnt no one understand this aint a poem
but my hearts song which has no melody but crazy people screaming
but but
nothing can ever let me go
its so late but its all my fault
crying not letting it go
cus im over now
i dont get
why its taking u so long
to comprehend what i said before
damn
my heart too cold boy
i aint got no way
i aint got no way im stuck here
Timothy almost outta here and pointless words about to make sense
one last time
i need an encore cus i aint no robot

she straight outta movie screen
she turned me ard
she always checking me out and the stuff i do
she never leaveme alone
told her to let it go
ok ok ok ok ok
ok ok ok ok ok
ok o kok ok ok

i need my space get it let me go
so i can do my thing
stop
listen
you aint my mum
my phonea off limits i dont really care about money
she kinda small but hot as hell
cus shes the cutest thing ard
sorry but i gotta say
ok ok ok ok ok ok
ok ok ok ok ok ok
ok ok ok ok ok ok ok
how long more will i have a second more

i aint used to be told stop so i aint ure robot
stop it now
i hear ure pain
so dont ask and u wont know
so thered be no pain

youre just a lil gal
youre just a lil gal
you left me stranded
you just left me there
youre still young you gotta see
the works so big
yet yet yetyoure stuck within your room

youre just a lil thing in this world
you do realise i know ure drinking
but thhose jokes are getting old

good night and sweet dreams

____________________________________________________________________
listen the the final version of robocop probably the best song ever

Go Hard
leave me out in the cold to burn
cus my heart the flame and no one can douse
my lirycally unacclaimed lil ass stuff
aint stuff i need for u to understand
what i say aint litteral
metaaphores understand
alot of dissing going on
i
need a break from this bull shit

i m ok
i m ok
i m ok
dont let me being

this is so long this is so hard
im the one who put my elbow in his face
th next bouncer who piss me off
ill put it in their face specaily to those fucking promoters
i hold my self down wathc my own back comprehend
im gonna be iron man again
fuck this world and this bull shit its my time to resurface

FUCK ALL OF YOU
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAA
KIDDING
BUT SERIOUSLY

I GO HARD
NIGHT MUTHAFUCKAS
COMPREHEND
ESSE

itll be REALLY LONG BEFORE ILL EVER BE PROUD OF MY SELF
BUT FUCK THAT
IM GONNA LIVE IT
CUS I AINT NO FUCKING ROBOT AND I AINT USED TOBEING TOLD STOP FAST OR SLOW YOU CAN STAY OR GO

FREESSSH

2008-12-01T17:46:00.000-08:00

FRESSH available aat

www.caliroots.com
click here

WISHLIST MOTHER FUCKAAS

2008-11-26T20:11:00.000-08:00

OOOOK, FOR THOSE FEW PEOPLE WHO READ THIS AND ARE WONDERING WHAT TO GET FOR MY BDAY, ITS SIMPLE, STOP WONDERING! I HAVE IT RIGHT HERE AND WHERE YOU CAN GET IT AND HOW MUCH IT COST!

LETS START WITH THE THING I NEED!

PRESONUS AUDIO BOX USB you can get that at resolution but its kinda expensive so dont bother!(around 300)

NOVA MICROPHONE from m-audio also kinda expensive from sinamex($180)

Studiophile AV 40 from m-audio also at sinamex($295)

And a keyboard thinking of a korg M-50 but that can wait from city music($1300)

and an iPOd nano 8gigs the blue metallic one!($248)

NANO KONTROLLER FROM KORG CITYMUSIC ($70)
A GREY SUIT

things i want!

A NEW pair of Air Force Ones the white one with the gold tick and the red label!

http://caliroots.com/system/search/product_vert.asp?id=15050
these shoes if u can find in singapore
OR LIGHT BROWN LOAFERS
Any white shoes also can!

I need T-shirts its cheap and awesome! white t-shirts perfect present!
well not plain white

what else do i need, this is what internship does to you! when you have nothin to do all day!
PS: DONT REALLY BUY ANYTHING FROM HERE CEPT THE WHITE T-SHIRTS CUS THOSE CAN BE LIKE REALLY CHEAP!

AND IF ANYONE CAN FIND THOSE SHOES TELL ME PLEASE THE PURPLE SUEDE ONES

2008-11-24T08:39:00.000-08:00

i live to die why isnt it raining
the sun aint shining
the moon light shining
damn its pouring
somethings dropping its wet
and im crying and no theres no tears
nor liquids just the earth
is pouring
something
something that wont stop flowing
how long more how long more
same questions every night
decisions i made if their right

think i got it all under control
how long will it take for me to unleash my swag
get groupies dont need too many cus i get a different choice every night
what the fuck you talking about
i go hard every time

2008-11-23T09:32:00.000-08:00

where does my final destination lie, hopefully not on my death bed

A tribute By Timothy Felix

2008-11-23T09:20:00.001-08:00

i dont know what im writing but im zoning
its amazing i aint even drinking
taking me a long time to be realising what im doing
my fingers are typing and my head and feet are tapping to the beat
its 2 oclock i feel tired but i dont wanna stop, and noo noo i dont wanna sleep or think

cus what good has that ever done
my brains on hibernate i havent summoned it
for the past 2 weeks
god help me
am i going fucking crazy
how long before i become a great reason for existence
im tired of waiting im gonna grab it
bless me

im tired of all these lies i keep hearing
they telling me to doubt you
you aint there, how long will they take to realise
its impossible for them to break my faith
i aint no saint
but you da man and im just the follower
aint got no qualms and if the rest do
that aint my fault and i dont really care

so save me
save me
save me
this aint a plea its something i need

my head is about to blow out
she keeps asking me out
she wont wanna leave me alone
what about going commercial
success that a bitch aint ever leaving me
she want me to be her slave
im under her spell
her seduction's madness
like black magic

the porshes and bentlys so tempting
the bugatti
all chrome
i know my cars they my weakness
and shes playing it
dangling it asking me to sell out

im stuck in this rut
will she leave me to be
this drive to be the greatest its all new
i never thought this
im jumping it outta my skin so my act can do the talking
cus my mouths gonna be kept shut,
how long will it take for me to make it

god this aint a plea
but please save me save
save me save
im her slave and shes drving me insane

i wanna make it for all the right reasons so im asking you to guide me

i aint a monster

im the subject of your experimentation,

no matter how ingenious i aint a loud mouth cus i like to walk and not run my mouth

so so so help me out
help me out
get me outta this rut
and meet her
succes in your eyes that whats most important

oohhh

2008-11-23T09:08:00.001-08:00

suddenly ive got the non stop mood to keep putting up new stuff

sleepless all night

thinking of you

you left me

with nothing

took away everything

i built

how long will it take for me

why the long lies

i know youre having fun with your life

left me to lose

you left me to lose

i guess you dint get the hint

when i told you

this aint working out

how much more explicit do you want me to be

or is the sacarsm really too much for you to see

i know it always took you really long to comprehend

i guess what they say is true about you

why why cant you just leave me
how long must i cry out to you
how long must you leave me here stranded
waiting for a response help me out

i know nothing else but the words that come outta my mouth
not that great but theyll do

stop and leave maybe another day or just one second is all it takes for me to get through.

my paranoia is leaving me with a headache this join is supposed to cure me but its making me sick

i asked god for an answer

he sent me more questions to answer

how long more will it take for me to get out of this rut

i wanna live far away where i can get what i want

help me out
help me out
help me out

this is a cry not just a request or a response

how long will you crush me down i just i just dont get why you gotta be so cold

my heart is beating and my ears aint hearing

i feel faint

i feel a last few seconds fly by

now im down on my knees

ooohhh
ooooohhh

now im down help me out
help me out
help me out helpe me out help me out

this aint just a response
i need help
send me an angel
cus cus cus

2008-11-23T08:58:00.001-08:00

i wanted to write a wissh list realised no more

im gonna work for everything that i will own,

give me awhile to grow

cus sooner or later ill catch up

how much ahead could the hare

the turtle's bound to catch up evantually

cus cus cus

the under dogs gonna be running soon

no point wasting crying

a master piece is being writter every second

how many will i waste tearing or wondering

no more day dreams.

time for my real dreams and wonderous things.

how long more will i have sleepless nights and early mornings

this is not the end of my life

but the begining of a brand new story

good bye to all those waiting behind the line

how long more before i can rise up with the best

get out and beat the rest aint gonna be like every body else

who knew id chose this path

nope not me either

maybe ill starve but ill put up cus ill rise to the top

how long more will i wait
how long more will i wait
how long more will i wait

one more day

ill run this time

with no end

give me just one more day cus this time ill make it back

one more day
one more day
one more day

help me out

Good Night By Timothy Felix

2008-11-23T08:47:00.000-08:00

where do i begin
the cries unheard
all the sadness within
how do i explain to you
why cant we move
were still stuck
were still stuck

how long have you been here
we stay our whole lives
look back and realise it past us by
nobody left

you dont wanna date
cus you think nothing better ever
but the truth aint just what deep within
its more to be around
and right infront

let the music play
itll take you away
magical for a second maybe 2 how long more must i wait
how long of your life did u hate
blame yourself

its time for you to move on
it aint no ones fault

you just tried and i took flight
to run away to exotic destinations
where i can hide
cause im afraid of the long term
realise i cant handle it
too late
so i gotta leave when the gate
still open

how do i keep up
how do i keep up
how do i keep up
with you

i see everything now
how did all my dreams come to past
you and i waited our whole lives

but now we got a second to make it all
alright then itll be good again
a luck to salvage it all from going by
no more regret
so this is my good bye
and my last good night
bye my dear.

For You

2008-11-14T08:56:00.000-08:00

this one is for you

i thought about a poem for you, but all i could see was you
its hard for me to speak from the heart but a lot easier after one or two
you on my mind now and tomorrow
never will i forget the day i met you
at the booth when i acted shy to u
while you and your friend and the rest of school checked me out
i know i was kinda cool
but i was way cooler after meeting you
no one can ever take that away when you read this cry no more but laugh
for now independence should take over joy should feel your heart
not cause im gone cause i will be just wen you least see me coming
one day when all hope in this world is lost and crying
ill be there in a second
and youll be happy just like that and youll not cry anymore
the apple of joy in my eye you sure were the reason i went thru alot
without you i would have a dream no more as you read realise
you gave me reason for existence but now i must go alone
to carry the throne so you can go on high up one day with me too
when youre gray and old realise that this is where i was
if i ever get out of this remember it was because of you.

love and forever me

2008-11-08T23:53:00.000-08:00

i just want a sureal life
can somebody get me out of this real life?
i dont wanna be real no more
i want a sureal life
where i dont have to pay no bills
and im up on the tv screen
and on the movie reels,
far away from this real life
where i live in fantasy on the tv screen

i dont wanna be a real boy i wanna be fake
so i can fly on trips to Hawaii or nyc or la
hang out with the movie stars far away from the real life ones,
far away from my troubles now
some where in the clouds where i dont have to pay the bills
where my lifes so real
where my lifes surreal
i just want out of here
i just want out of here
i just want out of here

can someone hear me scream
or am i speaking to myself
i want out of this life
i want the flashing lights
where people see me
i want a place to reside
where i dont have to pay the bills
where i eat decently
where i no longer cry myself to sleep

i just want a sureal life
up in hollywood where the musics good
i just want outta here
i want a sureal life
i just want a sureal life
please get me outta this fake life
i want a surreal life
get me outta this one
get me outta this one
get me outta this one

2008-10-19T11:23:00.000-07:00

no more emo stuff
time to mature up
time to get up no more whining
more like implementing
enough talking lets start walking
maybe then well start working
all this talk is tearing me up
cmon lets start it lets lets start it

i know u wanna take ur time but i got not time to waste keep running
i aint waiting u piss me off so now im reacting
like chemistry thats wad i learnt in school
just react for all actions done to u
no end to my actions ill just keep on reacting like a science experiment
so keep running
so stop whining and start learning
no time to catch ure breate
we gotta save the world so start running
or im gonna blow like peter petreli
no time to waste no time to waste
they keep on talking but nobodys working
nobodys doing nothing just talking
all that lip service dont do nothing
19 years u still talking leaving ureself crying
shotgun so ure all alone
everyone loking for u now
keep running dont stop u gotta hacve to save the world
genocide?
wad u crazy we all tts left dont mean we killing everyone
dont mean we kiling everyone time for u to grow up
you just wanna wait till time out so you can get on board
for a second and start weeping stop the hating and your whining

2008-10-16T06:56:00.001-07:00

The night is late the texts are in sad and whispering the thoughts are late

All about weeping the lack of space intertwining oh how I wish it was different

Constantly looking for a way out of a here not realizing what you losing your thoughts

A dreamer they said oh how I wished my love was said realised the truth behind these sad eyes the constant need for you to realize that the reason why I had to remoboilise. So leave me leave me to die one more thought of word and ill be gone away too far for you to realize. Cause sadness comes not with death but life. So how long will it take for me to ask how long will it take for you to say what you feel really deep down within maybe you'll say eventually. Till then I lay I lie here hoping for awhile you'll help me grow.

2008-10-16T06:51:00.001-07:00

Hello world hope you're listening cause I'm dreaming in black and white

no more colours

The lack of feelings how is this happening? Will it stop spinning cause my head is banging? So how long how long will it take before I wake?

How long how long will it take for my wake?

I say in this life all we see are the colours on the tv screen black and white still lingering cause that's all that's true, that's all left to do so I say go on go on let the truth be seen go on go on let it be left to be.

So how long

How long must I go on

How long must I wait

Let it end let it break

Let my life's colours stay

Maybe one day

One day

Itll return to me

Till then I stay far away in a place where black and white is all there is and the lack of space for the truly great.

kanye west heartless

2008-10-16T05:51:00.000-07:00

n the night I hear it call, the coldest story ever told,

somewhere far along this road he lost his soul, to a woman so

heartless
How could you be so heartless?
How could you be so heartless?

got the whole freaking song!
awesome ass track

love hate all things good....

2008-10-15T09:13:00.000-07:00

he sat there and stared with a large breath he spoke what
he had kept for so long
she just stared in awe. he kept rambling about how he felt,
she listening trying to find a way to help
he started talking about bunny holes
and being too deep down for him to get out.
she realised the truth which he had tried
oh so hard to hide.

hate that was what
had happened to them now
no longer what they felt about themselves
like they did before
still about each other
but hate had filled their own selves
oh so hard to comprehend
like will smith and charlize theron together weaker and
apart stronger

he saw her breathing hard, deep down
he knew what she was gonna say
he kept hoping for something else
she was much stronger than him and
had to do the right thing for the both of them
she kept breathin in and out in and out trying to say just one
pharse

she took long breaths,
the constant variation in
altitude didnt seem to be helping

and finally she opened her mouth and let the truth out what had to be said

with that it was ....

2008-09-27T01:44:00.000-07:00

hear me now one and all
im running for president of her lovely heart
she cant hear me calll
she crying out real loud
screaming she wants some more
long time ago
she used to get it every night
now she all alone
no one there
cus she chased em away
she touching herself
no one to help her out
why she gotta be so loud

she need help she need help
douse that fire out
douse it out
douse it out

she all alone someone gotta help her out
she feeling herself now
everynight
cus no one there to touch her now
so she thinking about the past times
will she ever get thru
she need someone now to douse that fire passion overflowing now
she needs help
she needs help
douse the fire out
douse it out
she needs help
she needs help

y she so alone
no one around
she all alone
no longer wanna be president no more
now she sad again
no one knows no one knows

she all lost now she noo longer wants to be alone

she needs help
she needs help
she needs help douse the fire out
douse the fire out
before her passion overflows

she needs someone now help her out
help her out
she all alone
help her out
help her out

2008-09-27T01:43:00.001-07:00

been real whack these pass few days, bought a keyboard on impulse realise i dont really need it now ahahhahahahaha.
really wasting away everything feeling so bored and retarded shld have gone shopping instead fuck

WHO MADE YOU RICH?

2008-09-19T23:58:00.000-07:00

FOR NADIA: ANYONE WANTS ONE?

2008-09-19T23:47:00.000-07:00

2008-09-07T08:40:00.000-07:00

damn so much fear inside
alone he lies
with nobody by his side
noone to call and confide
there he sits awaiting fate
for he knows he cant change what is about to happen
not just like that
but with faith in god he sits there and resides
prays real hard and wishes real bad that nobody
come in and steal his stacks
treasures more than any penny
on this earth
too much he accomplished over the years
but now he in fear of all that being compromised
because one silly night
so he sits only with a tint of hope in his heart and head
hoefully god will heed his prayer if not right now
than good game

2008-09-06T08:39:00.000-07:00

i have yet to write a new entry
so please forgive me though not many people might read this
i am really bored seating in my chair now
with no rhyming words flowing thru my head now
trynna think of lyrics to track
but all i can think of are racks
damn im messed up real bad
guess i got lost somewhere on the way back
from the office where i slack
and wait for the end of the day so i can get a decent grade
and get outta school
go serve ns
then after that ull see me on cbs
and maybe pbs
if i play my cards right on saturday night live
on every channel from fox to start world so the whole world
knows who the fuck i am
and where i stand
the end

2008-08-25T22:50:00.000-07:00

no one in the corner has swagger like us
swagger like me
bitch

2008-08-21T06:24:00.000-07:00

go hard

2008-08-21T06:09:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCT3V_kbFKQ
awesome song
but heres one thing yall gotta hear
im gonna tell you like george bush told me
fuck yall niggas im outta here

AHAAAHA

2008-08-13T05:43:00.001-07:00

ello world i just got meself KANYE FUCKING WEST TIX
FUCKIIING AWESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
SHITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

IM BACK

the die

2008-05-06T09:13:00.000-07:00

nobody understands me
i speak a language foreign to all man
my English incomprehensible by any other man
a failure in my eyes
my death was all i saw
i wished i was born better
smarter
i wish i was born to see more than i do
stronger than i am
nothing i ever have works for me
so now i have to cry in despair
each night i wish to god i dont wake up

i remain asleep and he takes my soul away
i hope i never wake up

but somehow i do
intact weaker then the nigh before
unable to think right

so i drown my sorrows in writing this and crying
but staying far away from the drinking
why i know not
i know not why i lie
why i wish to die
why i feel unreal
why i was born this way

rockbottom is where i lay, below all the sand and the debris thats where i lay
till god takes mercy on my soul and lifts me up

Winter

2008-05-06T08:36:00.000-07:00

woke up for the first time

nothing seem to bother me no more

felt so empty so lost and uninformed

so numb and unwilling to be felt

the depression of this life itself

oh how empty it was for myself

i felt nothing

so numb and lost

poetry seemed so far off the thought of my mind

ending of my life was all i thought about

the sweet inocence of death

oh how i could care less if i was dead

oh how id care less if my legs were fake

if my anger unreal

oh how depressed i felt through this day

oh this depression was the best of my rest

i never though id ever be so lost

feel like ive just been shipped out of a loft

my sadness was all i had left

nothing but the emptiness of my chest

how i wish the winter settled in

froze my trouble and let the wind blow me away

oh my depression and my double chin

how id wish it let me go free again

how sad is this

i long to be alone

far away from the thoughts of troubled man

nothing compares to the thoughts i have

my depression oh my sense of smell

the emptiness of my life itself.

the thought of troubles seem so far away

the emptiness of madness is the jist of this

the mist clouding my troubled teeth

the metophoreic refference to life

sometimes making no sense of life

how the coldness must change my thoughts of he

how the winter should make me freeze

oh how naked should i really be

or must i really learn not to be free

2008-04-26T01:59:00.000-07:00

i stand she leaves no more yes
the layers she hid beneath all shed
left alone and desolate desperate gasping for air to breathe
feeling so suffocated
knowing he could do what needs to done to make everything alright
but he stares at his reflection, crying knowing deep down inside there is something amiss
hides away from the world looks and sways un understandable by the rest of the world
he feels so alone
so he hides in fear
fear of the truth one day

2008-04-21T08:22:00.000-07:00

so unnew so creeped just lost to the surrounding
the end is now and i cant stop it
no power to turn baack time
only to stop and smile but thats not enough
depressed is what she claimed i have become
but maybe lonliness is wad i suffered from

there aint nothing like thisthe hate and the hurt
now my head hits the dirt cus i lost the plot
no idea cus my brains been washed clear
nothing feels this sick

2008-04-20T10:23:00.000-07:00

depression, a second away from rock bottom. its hard to fight against it. one more step d ill fall into the well, or maybe im there. it just hasnt sunk in yet. the mind all boggled up and thoughts lost in word. a couple of days can bring you to the lowest of heights in all your life. stay for a second and feel the hate the hurt and the sadness. for what it is like is unknown to many but the strangest things are those that keep you hanging there. i know its hard but every sadness has a smile. one to hide behind. emo is what some may say but the truth it is, realise the do not. in time acceptance will arrive. always a second too late. by then the meteor would have struck and destiny take its course. sooner or later it will then it will be the last smile one will hid behind. then the purest of emotion's will come out. without the need of a stimulant like alcohol. and there the rage will speak the sadness will add the oil to the fire and there they will die. but sadly that will be too late. for one can tell when the end is near. and soon one shall feel the end of one's time

2008-03-23T10:58:00.001-07:00

Without saying a single word, he just punched the fat man straight in the face, breaking his nose right through. He kneed him in the gut, and winded to man. Unable to fight back from Xander’s heavy blows, the fight started to seem like a very one sided affair.

“touch a women will you, you mother fucking asshole” Xander screamed as he used his elbows to repeatedly strike the man in the gut. He then grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him towards the dustbin at the bus stop. Blood was spewing out of the mouth of the man as he was being dragged away. Xander then pulled him up, “say sorry you mother fucker say it” fucking apologise to her now or ill kill you right now. Listen to me asshole say sorry and ill leave you, you don’t say a thing and I will kill you. The fat man was way too incapacitated to talk. All he could feel was a numb and scary feeling through his body. Xander started to calm down, upon realising the damage he had inflicted upon the man. Just as he about to leave him on the floor, he realised something. The man had a gang tattoo. Now he knew he couldn’t just leave him. He was bound to get hit back. Though he was bigger than the average man, he couldn’t take on a whole gang of uncivilized man that would just chop him up without even speaking to him.

That fueled his anger again, he pulled him up and put him into the trash can, and started punching the life out of him. First the face, the man could barely open either of his eyes, they were both shut, sealed shut. “if I leave you like this, you will find me. Let this be a lesson to all the FUCKERS like you. Show some respect to women, mother fucker” that was all he said, as he smashed the man’s head in with his elbows blow after blow. His face was bleeding so badly that his front two teeth had already dropped out, his nose was flatter than it initially was, actually it had become a part of his face. Then he just kicked the trash can on the road, thinking he had beaten the guy in bad enough, for him to never be able to identify Xander as his assailant. Just as he thought things were over, a container truck smashed straight into the can.

Then he knew it right then, he couldn’t hear the people screaming at him for the past ten minutes. It was very much like a deaf man suddenly gaining the ability to hear. So relieving yet so scary.

Without blinking an eye lid, or thinking twice Xander pulled Lisa and ran. They ran across the corner of the block, and hailed an empty cab and got on their way home like nothing had happened. He knew now deep inside that things would never be the same ever again but he refused to let himself believe it. He kept on telling Lisa and himself we just got to change our physical appearance and well be fine that’s all we need. But he knew, that was the least of his worries. He knew, he was in deep shit now. But they were both too shocked to say anything.

“Lisa” Xander said in a slow and scared voice fuelled with concern, “you needa cut your hair short and dye it blonde or something, ill shave my head and grow a beard, lay low for awhile. We cant be seen together ok? Do you understand this is important. Don’t talk to anybody about it and we weren’t there ok? We weren’t.” he said that is a low quiet

and scared voice, not wanting the taxi driver to hear anything.

2008-03-05T23:03:00.000-08:00

ACT 1

Origins

Chapter 1

“hahaha yeah” Xander said as he looked at his pretty girlfriend. “you do realise that fat guy is checking you out.”. “NO, hahaha!” she laughed. “ No one will, im not that pretty”. She replied. Xander smiled at his girlfriend’s disbelieve, but he knew better. Any girl with such beautiful face, sharp nose and sparkling eyes, would be checked out constantly, its not like he could help it. The both of them didn’t really think much of it. The two of them waited at the bus stop for their bus along with about 2 other people. The bus was taking forever to come, and Xander lived all the way across the country from Lisa and he dint even own a car; he knew he was going to go home late that night, how late was what he didn’t know.

Five minutes passed by, still no bus they could take almost any bus from there, but it was one of those days. The more you want it to come faster the longer it takes. “Give me a minute, I wanna get a drink” Xander said as he walked away to the nearby vending machine. Just as he opened his drink, “Oh my god!” and tears, that was all he heard. Oh that scream was all too familiar to him. In his 6-month long relationship with lisa the only other time he had ever heard her scream like that was when she thought someone was peeping into her cubicle. It only meant one thing, she was freaked out.

Xander dropped his can to the floor, and ran to her. “what’s wrong baby, what is it”. She looked up at him with those eyes so sad, and pointed at the fat tanned guy that was checking her out. “he touched me” she replied in a very soft and sad tone. One that would make any man or woman want to protect her. As passer-by’s started together, the fat young man started to go on his own way, hoping to go unnoticed, hoping he could disappear into the crowd. Xander’s eyes did not leave him for a second, even as he told Lisa to sit down and just calm her self. With fury raging in his eyes, Xander clenched his fist and was ready to release all the fury that hell could throw onto someone on the scum bag that had touched his oh – so beloved girlfriend.

See Xander was really more of the calm sort, usually letting his mouth speak more than his hands he wasn’t one to believe in violence. But he did have a lot of violent thoughts. And for once in a really long time, well thirteen to be exact Xander was going to let hell lose on the basturd who couldn’t keep his hands to himself.

As Xander stood up, he ran through the gathering crowd despite his girlfriend frantically screaming for him not to.

He just shoved through the few people in front of him, and ran so fast, that within two seconds he had destroyed all the get away plans the fat man had to come up with.

here we go

2008-03-03T09:29:00.000-08:00

the end to the monologue enjoy!

In this country where he resided, the only power was the government and the police. The gangs had no real power, no authority. The only people that feared the gangs were school kids and people who had problems with them. Gangs in this southern part of south-east asia had no real power or any appeal to people at all. Joining a gang, didn’t mean anything to people. You had no respect, no one knew who you were, no one feared you. You wielded no power earned little money, had no proper life. It means you lived in fear. It means no one knew who you are, you wear ridiculous clothes, get a bunch of tattoos the ugliest hair duo and weird hair colours.

They wore the ugliest clothes they could find. They would adorn gave them a certain amount of confidence. They hoped it gave them street cred as well. But most people looked upon them with disgust or surprise cause of what they wore. They did nothing but attract unwanted attention, raise their voices, and only bully people they saw lonely and afraid. They were scared of the police, and people they knew they would not be able to take on. They had no real purpose. Most of them or practically all of them had no purpose at all. They were mainly street gangs that scared no one. Secondary school kids seemed interested in them.

The street gangs allowed kids to feel safe, or superior and for the unlucky few to feel insecure and get bullied. There was no real order. No real big name to control what went on the streets. The underworld was a chaos no clear leader. No order that was the main problem, no one was smart or powerful enough to bring order. The law was strict and harsh. It was hard to commit crimes, when the punishments for most of them were death sentences. So the gangsters sought legal ways of making money. Legal but not necessarily moral. Prostitution brothels were their main source of income. And protection fees paid by their members. It was like joining a club. A club which required you to pay money every month. And for paying, they knew that no one would mess with them and get away. It was not hard to become a made man. Have a couple of friends in a gang, pay your way in and your part of them.

Becoming a gangster wasn’t hard. Staying one, now that was the hard part. Most of them who became gangsters quit by the time they were eighteen or nineteen realising that there was no real commitment, and there was no real future. People didn’t see a need to be a gangster, it didn’t make you rich or famous. It just landed you in jail. The few loyal ones that stayed on, eventually ended up as alcoholics, wife beaters, for those who managed to get married. The rest of them just relied on prostitutes for sex.

But the time for change was coming. As technology advances and the country becomes more advance, so do the people. It was time for a new era of gangsters; it was time for someone new, someone unlike the old types. Someone who had a different vision and would change the way things were done. And everything would come into a new order.

Asian Family

2008-03-02T07:06:00.000-08:00

ive been writing for abit something new i came up with

Asian Family

Prologue

What is a gangster?

Who is he?

Is he anything more than a mere man?

Or is he someone to be remembered forever?

Who wants to be associated with him?

Who even wants to be him?

Does he live in constant fear?

Or does he live without any fear?

Does he have any regard for anyone?

Or is he above it all? Does anyone even like him?

Or does he have to find that out on his own?

What does it take to become a gangster?

Or is it just something that’s stupid and ends your life?

A gangster that is what some become, others well they want to be above the law. Above you and me.

Others, they are more than a gangster. They are something above a gangster. They are the epitome of the underworld. They run the streets and the way things are. People fear them. Yet many love them.

They are more than you and me. They feel like they are above the law.

The police and the government they do not fear. For they live in their own world. They are people who have people who will die for them. They are people who will never get caught. They are people who have families with no blood ties at all. They are the heads of the families they run. And there can only be one supreme one.

They are an elite group of people. So few, as to one in every region. They are the police; they become the law and the government. They are the epitome of a mafia don. And there is only one in this cosmopolitan city. Only one. He is not here yet. But soon he will be.

And he will be the only one.

The only head.

The only father of the family

telling me

2008-02-29T23:54:00.000-08:00

uhh
this hurting keeps me drinking out this Hennessey
worst part is that i dont even like this shit d
uhh
and i know this shit keeps affecting us simultaneously
and this shit keeps me drinking out this Hennessey

uhh

i know i aint the best one could always be
but i always try to be nice to you so that you can see
and i never ever try to hurt you purposely
but i keep fucking up
and thats not the way things were supposed to be
and i know you keep on wanting to leave me
but you cant baby cause you know i am the best that could be

whether im drinking out this hennessy aint nothing ever feel so sensual as me

uhhh

and this shit keep hurting ye
but id never ever cheat on you or make you hurt purposely
cause i know you keep hurting deep within

that’s why I keep drinking out this hennessey
ah! nothing ever taste this shitty to me
ah! but thats the only way i can get me from thinking bout ye
cause it keeps me from hurting deep within

and it aint like I aint got no feelings

uhhh
and you know i love you purposely
never meant to make you feel like i was in italy
too far away from you to be vibing with you sexaully
but i know you hate spilling your hurt out to me
but this shit will kill us both evantaully
but i guess its ok because
cause this shall become our bittersweet symphony

you know id never disrespect you knowingly
but we all human and it aint make sense if i dont go about things wrongly
i always fall
i always fail
i always leave

this shit aint really healthy
and that was the only thing you keep telling me
but its ok cause this was how our life was meant to be

and this shit keeps me drinking out this hennessey
but its the only thing i can vibe without hurting me
and you keep killing me unkowingly
but i guess its ok because this is our bittersweet symphony

weirdo captial

2008-01-30T19:01:00.000-08:00

im just gonna go ahead and twirl around with this one

im from the weirdo captial
where the chicks is little
and the prostitutions legal
and minimum wage is 3 dollars
where the rich get richer and the poor get poorer
and the middle class people are the ones that really suffer

im from a country that cant even be seen on the map
so tiny yet so fat
we so fucking lil yet our people earn more than the president of america
where the rich get fat ass cars and a toyta cost 60 grand i aint talking about nothing fancy
just a corrolla not even the size of a mini van.

where hd is really hd cause we all so clear about whats happening
but we all just keep shoosh and dont worry about it
cause we all given apartments to live in
where the poor cant afford to live it so they shittin all over it

im from the weirdo captial
where the chicks is little
and minimum wage is 3 dollars
and the prostitutions legal
where the rich get richer and the poor get poorer
and the middle class people are the ones that really suffer

over here the entertainers get paid like they too lil
and where the gameshows come cheap like we dont matter
cause we in the weirdo capital
where people get body guards and fly ass chauffeurs, off the pay of tax payers
and where the prostitutions legal but we dont make it open cus we hoping they never see it
cus down here is the stuff you just do to just get through and where the starbucks cost 8 dollars
but i guess
i guess its ok cus

im from the weirdo captial
where the chicks is little
and minimum wage is 3 dollars
and the prostitutions legal
where the rich get richer and the poor get poorer
and the middle class people are the ones that really suffer

re believe

2008-01-28T04:57:00.000-08:00

i know we both lost alot of loved ones
i hope you can hold on to that little hope that little love that i give
i hope this is all you need
i hope this what you say
i dont think i can go on
i need something to hold on

is there something i need
or is it you killing me
you know that i need and adore you
but you try not to believe it
ive been trying to help
but no matter it dont seem to matter

do you need the warmth
or the cold
or isit more roses
or do you just want to hold the hate

this is something i tried to tell myself id never feel
somewhere id never be

you needa let it go and let me come on
let me in cause you need someone to hold you
and keep you near
or youd be drowning in this self pity
just learn to trust again
and believe in yourself just do it
and forget the haters sayers whatever

youd noe id be holding you and keeping safe away from the cruel world,

now you just gotta learn to re believe

do you need the warmth
or the cold
or isit more roses
or do you just want to hold the hate

killing

2008-01-28T04:32:00.000-08:00

now now its its about time im colliding with this world i cant hold it it feels like im breaking and im holding to the edges any more ill be falling im holding to the very edge of this and i dont know how long i can its all burining now burning now i wanna hold but its all burning now burning now

i wish i could change it all
cure the world kill the all aids
and all the diabestes
no one loses no more legs
stop the killing
the lying all the hidden money
all the crimes and sins of the past generation
and we keep needing to clean it

this keeps going on people keep blaming each other
the westeners the asians the asians the westerners they wanna kill each other
but smile with hope itll be forgotten cus wad we act dont exist aint there

now now its its about time im colliding with this world i cant hold it it feels like im breaking and im holding to the edges any more ill be falling im holding to the very edge of this and i dont know how long i can its all burining now burning now i wanna hold but its all burning now burning now

i keep trynna hold back but they keep doing more shit
this global warming iraqi invasion all for money damn world in chaos cus we too afraid to change
to afraid to act like things all bad so we keep hiding cus we cant tell the truth
so we keep shaking hands and crossing our fingers behind our backs

back stabbing and bitching we keep doing it but ignoring it
things needa change so realise it keep trynna tell urself its ok
cus the earth is dying and so are we lets see us get past 2012

now now its its about time im colliding with this world i cant hold it it feels like im breaking and im holding to the edges any more ill be falling im holding to the very edge of this and i dont know how long i can its all burining now burning now i wanna hold but its all burning now burning now

bittersweet by kanye west

2008-01-25T09:26:00.000-08:00

Bittersweet, you're gonna be the death of me
I don't want you, but I need you,
I love you and I hate you at the very same time

See what I want so much, should never hurt this bad
Never did this before, that's what the virgin said
We've been generally warned, that's what the surgeon says
God talk to me now this is an emergency

And she claim she only with me for the currency,
You cut me deep bitch cut me like surgery

And I was to proud to admit that it was hurtin me
I'd never do that to you at least purposely

We breakin up again we makin up again
But we don't love no more
I guess we fuckin then

Have you ever felt like you wanted to kill her
And you mixed them emotions with tequilla

And you mixed that with a little bad advice
On one of them bad nights
You have a bad fight

And you talkin bout her family her aunts and shit
And she sayin muhfucka yo mama's a bitch
You know domestic drama and shit

All the attitude
Ill never hit a girl but I'll shake the shit out of you

But im a be the bigger man
Big pimpin like jigga man
Oh i figure it's

Bittersweet, you're gonna be the death of me
I don't want you, but I need you,
I love you and I hate you at the very same time

See what I want so much, should never hurt this bad
Never did this before, that's what the virgin said
We've been generally warned, that's what the surgeon says
God talk to me now this is an emergency

And my nigga says I shouldn't let her worry me
I need to focus on the girls we gettin currently
But I've been thinking and it got me back to sinking it
This relationship, it even got me back to drinking now

This Hennessey, is gon be the death of me

And I always thought that you havin my child was our destiny
But I can't even vibe wit you sexually
Cause every time that I try you will question me
Say "you fuckin them girls, disrespecting me?
You don't see how your lies are affecting me?
You don't see how our life was supposed to be?
And I never let a nigga get that close to me!
And you ain't cracked up to what you was supposed to be!
You always gone! You always be where them hoes would be!"
And it's the first time she ever spilled her soul to me!
I fucked up and I know it G
I guess it's bittersweet poetry

a lil bit of how i feel now

daddys skirt

2008-01-14T06:27:00.000-08:00

your standing watching me get on my flow
aint got no way of asking or telling u acting all gansta wanna put me down
i aint feeling you just trynna get on my grind aint
seeing nothing im afraid of aint got nothing to shiver about
that glock you carrying aint freaking no one out

that shit you popping aint freaking no one
i aint shivering or whining
dont try to scare me or ill freak and drop you
aint got nothing to freak out about
stop acting all gangster you just hiding behind your dads trousers
cause your wearing a fucking skirt
you aint nuuthing more than alil bitch you and your brother and father too

i aint scared of you dont try to spray that glock you aint got nuthing to freak people about
that freaking acne you got worse than swamp ass
worse than my arse grass the only thing you have
is your daddy's and mummy's skirt after all their both fags
you and him your both lil bitches

i aint listening no more that glock your carrying aint freaking no one
i aint scared of shit boy your fag still hiding behind your parents skirt and you call yourself a grown man
president of corruption and lying aint gonna succumb to your shit motherfucka
hypocritical liar lil slut with nothin else than talk try spray that glock your carrying ill beat your lil gay ass down after all your steal hiding behind your daddys skirt aint u daddys little girl

the end of me

2007-12-23T09:34:00.000-08:00

death will be the end of you, nothing else she said not the sadness not the pain
just the time when u die nothing else not the sadness or the loss
not the endless times u feel depressed or the shots u drink only death

and thats the only thing ull feel wen it comes my end i said itll be the death of me
not sadness nor pain
nor the loss or the shots u drink
nor the depression
just the death

superstar

2007-12-17T21:20:00.000-08:00

so lupe fiasco has got a new album out!
its rocking good solid stuff and its as awesome as an album can be
superstar a really awesome track so good itll knock you right off

its the only real good hip-hop album this year besides kany wests graduation well at least since june.

anyhow its really cranking only got to the 4th track so far will listen more when im going to work. i have a real good feeling about this.

oh and lupe kanye and pharrel williams formed a super group, havent really released anything solid yet, but i cant wait the talent in that group, thats just rocking

awesome music now just needa get my life in order!

hello holidays

2007-12-13T09:07:00.000-08:00

hellooo, i know its been a really loong while but im just in the mood to write what, thats not the issue im just so happy christmas is coming and after tmr morning i got no school till next year!
i know that its kinda pathetic 2 weeks break and here i am so freaking excited, but its 2 weeks of holidays, what beats the christmas holidays well nothing, nothing i can think of except finally being 18 which isnt very much different from being 17 cept i can get my driving license but i still havent had the need to show my ic when going clubbing kinda sad if u asked me. oh well its ok i guess it aint all that bad.

i just realised im really heading no way in my life cept no where, which sucks ass, i mean it really sucks ass. think i shall start getting some direction.

hmmmm and what else let me think oh ya i got the most awesome girl friend on earth like really the coolest and the most awesome one that anyone could get. shes so awesome that this blog wouldnt exist without her, (well you know who to kill now) oh well.

i would just like to tell her thank you and ya.

and this is for you!

the car honks and the whole world stops its like im mesmerized for the first time in my life my heart stops beating and i cant seem to figure this feeling its so strong and overwhelming its like faith has deal its cards and i seem to have gotten a royal flush. i have just been given the worlds hidden treasure and i cant see anything more than your beautiful face

madina u say ur name is truth or not, it doesnt really matter all i can see is your winderful smile and your weird gestures each one more intriguing than the last. never ceasing to make me feel so special and lucky

every thing that i can do ill make it done just never let me out of this limbo and let me stay in this paradise with you forever morning may come but never let it take me away from your wonder and splender mylove
my nadia

Mr.Mean

2007-11-23T08:05:00.000-08:00

so its been exactly a month since i have last updated this blog, well its ok. i have just been really really reeally busy with everything. well this weeks been good kinda like an eye - opener.
i realise how lil control i have over my life and thinks suck
over well lifes like that
kinda tired gonna crash
night

a long time ago

2007-10-24T08:27:00.000-07:00

someone once asked me why's my blog so emo
it is i asked myself hmmm oh well i guess barely anyone knows i have it
since i never really got to the part where im supposed to tell people about it
so i guess i dint so i could write things in it understand what they mean and well i dunnoe
but yeah so sorry if u dont get wad it means or why is it emo but i guess i am sad inside i just
never get to show it

im supposed to be the happy guy whos the jock though i aint really close to one i dont really act like one though some people refer to me as one
why? i dunnoe i dont really care
does it matter no not really

do i wish this was the end for me
yes i do

its been so long since ive felt like this

lifes a bitch i guess
deal with it
yeah
motherfucker

lonely/desolate/unknown

2007-10-23T09:53:00.000-07:00

can you tell me what was ever really special about me all this time
but I believe the world is burning to the ground
oh well I guess we're gonna find out
let's see how far we've come
let's see how far we've come

the storm

2007-10-22T09:25:00.000-07:00

well alots happened and id like to write it down but hell i guess i wont. its kinda sucky when u realise your life is smooth sailing no problems whatsoever and one after another a bunch of things keep coming up and you kinda go nuts. and why just cause of something u said well i said. things we dont realise hurts someone. i guess i just got so comfortable i thought everything i said no one would believe or ever take serious. and boy was i wrong. i just got myself into so much shit cause i keep talking, its time i learnt what i said hurt the people around me and how what i say matters and it always does though i think it doesnt.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
i can never ever get to hit a freaking punching bag when i want to the most!
lifes soooooooo full of surprises just when u thought its gonna be calm waters all the way the storm always has to approach

ps: sorry for making u sad it was never my intention

how far we've come

2007-10-08T10:35:00.000-07:00

hmmmm i find it interesting how everyone wants to be the center of attention,some want to be famous rock stars other's movie stars, some want to be writers and philosophers long remembered after their death, well others just wanna be successful people with great careers and worry about little.
but lets face the truth most of us just end up as nobody's and people trying very hard to climb up the ladder we wanna be the best we can but many at times we fail and find it so hard to get back that we just began to become contended with what little we may have.

its interesting how we all know this yet we always require for someone else to need to tell us on what we should do next. how we always seek for advise, though we already know what to do. hmmmm if we all want the good life and we all got it, then none of us would ever be satisfied we always want more than we have its out natural craving and hunger, its our natural human instinct. many of us often wants to either have what our neighbour has or better, we cant be worse cause that'd mean we aint rich or cool enough.

you know i aint ever think about it what happens if we keep going on this way, all self centered and everyone is just obsessed with becoming famous rich and everything and we don't realise that were killing each other and were really dying, and all the money gold cars houses and whatever we have aint really gonna matter if a freaking meteors manages to smash through Jupiter than earth will be destroyed really fast or if a massive tsunami strikes, and the world we know it is gone than were gone. no matter what, whatever happens at the end of the day all thats happened to us, and how far we've come wont matter no more.

and i heard em say

2007-10-08T10:14:00.000-07:00

so its been ages since I have written here guess the holidays just makes u really lazy.so basically i have accomplished almost nothing during this period of time except for slacking finishing 300 and trying to make a little extra cash not that bad i guess.

so life's been the same with a lot of boring days a very long but seems very short holiday. anyhow what appalls me is how Singaporeans are obsessed over the movie lust caution and how bothered they are over the fact its NC-16. how badly they intend to boycott it and stuff. its bloody ridiculous if u ask me. its just a movie get over it!

even though i'm practically a couch potato and i pride myself about seating in front of the television and my laptop for ours watching all sorts of shows, i wouldn't really care about the ratings cause im sure if u really wanna see the scences in the movie cut out, that kill the intensity in the movie. sex and whatever etc, i'm sure u could wait a couple of months for the dvd, or do what the guy in the newspaper said hed do download the movie. although that would lead me to believe that he downloads movies which would be stealing, and thus being very contradictory to his support of lee ang.

oh well just wanted to say that hmmmmm.....
now that i have that of my chest, life can go on as it normally does.

the lies we hide behind

2007-09-11T10:29:00.000-07:00

hello world im lost confused and wish it'll all be as good as it was a month ago
i really hope it goes back to they way it was cause that was really the best month in my whole pathetic pointless little life. arghhhhhhhh
i wish all of this would just go away and life would be fine again
i wish you'd just become happy again
but hell life ain't no fairy tale but
i really wish for a happy ending
i wish that you have the strength to go through this
i wish you didn't have to go through this
be strong now my love there will be calm after the storm
an end to pain and your joy shall begin
there will be good i promise you that
i know what i may say may not always be true but hold on to urself for ill hold on with you
ill always be here just stay strong and keep me close by you

with love to you

BARTER trade

2007-08-15T21:41:00.001-07:00

MONEY is said to be the root of all evil or isit?
created merely for the sake of trading, and to make barter trading much easier, a few not so intelligent man came up with seashell to trade and a few thousand years later thanks to their brilliant minds this simple thing which replaced cows and goats, seems to be the center on everyone's life. without it we're screwed and wen you have enough of it you want more. people don't argue much but because of it, it kinda changes things.its kinda weird how a 5 letter word makes things so complicated. the prettiest of people will do the ugliest things just to have more of it. evil man cant seem to get enough of it. its like a disease that infiltrates your body and takes over it the need to have more of it. and yet wen we die we have none of it left
we become just like any other person and move on into the afterlife. its so interesting that we spend our whole lives just getting more and more of it yet one day we realise we have so much of it theres nothing we can do. yet we want more! hmmmm such an interesting thing it is ain't it. it can make 2 people who are deeply in love forget everything just because of it
all i can say is thank you to the man who invented money and destroyed the wondrous times of barter trading that would have just left us milking cows and making babies

the new life

2007-08-10T09:44:00.000-07:00

well its been a while since i last wrote jack, but alot has happened
for instance i think i may have screwed up a module in school, but hell i only think so
and then there is this new thing i have in my life where im supposed to be together with someone hmmmm its a rather interesting theory. the thought of just being together with one person and being loyal. but hell im not complaining shes an awesome girl.

oh and then theres the show on the Russian tsars rather interesting if u ask me, on how sadistic they all are no matter how good they maybe.

and then theres still del and math and csf to study for i cant wait for it all to be over then itll be partyin and spending time with u! AND EVERYONE Else but u
mauaAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

FUTURE

2007-07-31T08:30:00.000-07:00

Hey excuse me

Hi my name is Bob and I work at my job
I make forty-some dollars a day
I used to be the man in my hometown
'til I started to lose my way
It all goes back to when I dropped out at school
Having fun, I was living the life
But now I got a problem with that little white rock
See I can put down the pipe

And...

And it's breaking me down
Watching the world spin round
While my dreams fall down
Is anybody out there?

It is breaking me down
No more friend around...
And my dreams fall down...
Is anybody out there?

Can anybody out there hear me?
'Cause I can't seem to hear myself
Can anybody out there see me?
'Cause I can't seem to see myself...
There's gotta be a heaven somewhere
Can you save me from this hell?
Can anybody out there feel me?
'Cause I can't seem to feel myself

Losing my way
Keep losing my way...
Keep losing my way...
Can you help me find my way?
Losing my way
Keep losing my way
Keep losing my way...
Can you help me find my way?

Now you gotta understand I was a family man
I would have gave anything for my own
But I couldn't get a grip on my new found itch
So I ended up all alone
I remember where I was when I got my first buzz
See I thought I was living the life
And the craziest thing is I'll probably never know
The color of my daughter's eyes

And it is breaking me down
Watching the world spin round
While me dreams fall down
Is anybody out there?

It is breaking me down
No more friend around...
And my dreams fall down...
Is anybody out there?

Can anybody out there hear me?
'Cause I can't seem to hear myself
Can anybody out there see me?
'Cause I can't seem to see myself
There's gotta be a heaven somewhere
Can you save me from this hell?
Can anybody out there feel me?
'Cause I can't seem to feel myself.

Losing my way
Keep losing my way
Keep losing my way
Can you help find my way?
Losing my way
Keep losing my way
Keep losing my way
Can you help me find my way?

Oh my god please forgive me (father hear my pray)
'Cause I know I've done some wrong in this life
If I could do it all again
Have just one more chance
To take all those wrongs and make them right

Can anybody out there hear me?
'Cause I can't seem to hear myself
Can anybody out there see me?
'Cause I can't seem to see myself
There's gotta be a heaven somewhere
Can you save me from this hell
Can anybody out there feel me?
'Cause I can't seem to feel myself.

Can anybody out there hear me?
'Cause I can't seem to hear myself
Can anybody out there see me?
'Cause I can't seem to see myself
There's gotta be a heaven somewhere
Can you save me from this hell
Can anybody out there feel me?
'Cause I can't seem to feel myself

Losing my way
Keep losing my way
Keep losing my way
Can you help me find my way?
Losing my way
Keep losing my way
Keep losing my way
Can you help me find my way?

i swear this is so gonna happen to me in the end so sad!

a million bucks

2007-07-21T22:50:00.000-07:00

so i finally went drinking after a really long time the guys and all got back together and we hung out was kinda fun doing something after such a long time. anyhow it wasn't as fun as the time wen i gotta into some random strangers car and well yea it wasn't that interesting but we did push each other in shopping carts and i think i rammed sean twice. lucky for him he was inside.

hmmm been watching alot of movies of late caught vacancy and the condemned tough vacancy wasn't that great. condemned was alright. but heck i think watching it was worth a million bucks!

anyhow gotta start studying for my exams

mUHAHHAHAHa the evil song die die die

2007-07-18T08:00:00.000-07:00

said this this has got to end
said this this is where i draw my line
this is where i know its over

i no longer need to hear your call
i no longer need to feel your touch

if i shall ever see the light of you
hell please spare me death

may i hope and dream that you'd be shattered
and that you'd be killed never to stop and see
that its alright to leave

so stop and see that its done
that i'm free and i dont wanna be near you
why don't u realise this aint that bad
why cant you see that now im happy

i hate you
i fucking hate you
i wish youd just die
why cant you just leave
why must you haunt me
why

cant you just die
why
cant you just leave
why
do you have to stalk me
why why why

stop and say

2007-07-11T09:58:00.000-07:00

so here we lay with smiles across our faces
the joy of this moment could last forever
i wish it never to end
i wish this never to stop

for with you is where i wanna lay
this is where i wanna stay
with your smiling face each day
it never starts to get in my way
i wish you would sway
i wish you hold me close and say that'll you'll leave

on this day it keeps keeping me close
i just wanna hold you and keep your warm
cause in your arms is where i wanna be
as i see you standing here with me
ill never ever stop and say
ill never tell you how great it feels to be here this day

for with you is where i wanna lay
this is where i wanna stay
with your smiling face each day
it never starts to get in my way
i wish you would sway
i wish you hold me close and say that'll you'll leave

so don't let it end
don't it stop
keep it here and just let it off
let me never end
let us never cease

is this the end or has it just began

2007-07-09T09:08:00.000-07:00

have you had enough
does he look as good as u say he does
or is it just another one of your lies

is this the end
or do i belong
do you sleep at night wishing i was there
or does he comfort you enough

does he make you feel warm inside
or is he just another one of your lies
does he hold u tight, not wanting to let you go
is this the end or has it just begun

do you feel like he belongs
or is it cause of the fancy car
is this what you really want
or do the lies you tell serve you well

do you miss my smell
do you still like the way i tell
do you miss holding my hand
do you miss kissing my lips

is this the end or has it just began

the begining

2007-07-07T09:35:00.000-07:00

her smile faded as i wondered
is it true or this a lie
are you for real or is this just another bluff
do i mean anything or am i just another one of your toys

this is not the end
ill love you till the end of time
its just that tomorrow will take me away
then never again will i return
is it true that you love me
or is this just another shared or one of your games

the beginning is here so i hope you stay
or ill be just left alone.....

dumb ratings

2007-07-05T07:21:00.000-07:00

well so i think im gonna die. lately i have been thinking whats gonna happens when schools over and i start working, what am i really gonna do? well not just then like what have i been doing. i have been wondering for awhile, and i think im screwed basically. my lifes just screwed!oh well a few bad choices, which is just going to the wrong course and now im fucked!arghhhhhhhhh
anyhow caught die hard 4.0 today.by far the most meaningless boring movie hollywood's worse movie this year. it had a really shallow story line with such predictable scenes,corny lines and bruce willis called the super jumpy guy a hamster! since when are hamsters super agile? he was more like a monkey if you ask me. anyhow i have decided never to watch another die hard film again!anyhow i wanna go watch transformers again. the newspaper really cant rate movies for nuts, a movie like die hard gets 3 and half stars. and an awesome flick like transformers which was something i thought would sucked turned out to be just superbly brilliantly crafted. kudos Micheal bay! oh well theres harry potter next week god i cant wait for that!
well thats all for now!

contrary

2007-07-03T10:20:00.000-07:00

i looked at her from afar
and watched her walk away
knowing shell be gone
secretly hoping not for long
if i could just touch you hoping u wont get lost or lonely
i know its a long ride back
so let me sit beside you
where in your arms i shall lay
hoping you'd take me back after it all
it wasn't that bad

i told you i'd never let you down
or let you go
close to my heart is where i promised to keep you so
its somewhere where they'll never get to you
its the love i feel the one flowing from you
its not the end its just beginning

train door closes, and my eyes let go refusing to see you leave
my heart my love and whatever else i gave gone with you
was it love or lust i asked the answer within my and your heart you knew

wish you'd stayed
wish i said i love you again now that you're gone i have nothing left
its just sadness and the hope of having you
wish youd just kiss me and say its ok

but now i know its not true
i know
i know

looong ass day

2007-06-29T20:03:00.000-07:00

hellooo, well this week has gone by really fast. got back my results, and they really sucked. oh well better than last years i guess.hmmmm moving on yesterday was kinda long but fun though. well went to school in the morning, and it was supposed to end at 4
but the damn lecturer dint show up at 2. if she had just told us earlier i would have gone home at 12. oh well. so i met joy after school, wanting to play pool. but yesterday being Friday everywhere in bukit timah was full.so we ended up sitting in macs and talking cock. after which went to meet the person who i sadly see almost everyday ahahhahahaha sorry! so we hung out and i finally gotta play pool. hmmm why is it that i always run into divian arun and sharmine whenever i go out with Nadia. so weird. its like wen i go out with other people i never run into them but then when i hang with her their always there. oh well so i finally got home at 12 and i left home at like 730 in the morning. thank god i could finally sleep!

hello

2007-06-26T06:44:00.000-07:00

well so i have finally got back to the gym. took toolong a break i think.anyhow so life's back to normal school and home and well going out and the occasional going to work. hmmm gymming again sounds fun to me. anyhow im not emo and neither is the stuff i write. its just you know creative. hmmmm you know i think i should really tell people i have a blog. cause like only 4 or5 people know i have one kinda funny i guess. sooooooo tmr madina says shes gonna take me to some place called tea party. earlier she said shes gonna was at tea party, and i thought it was a tea party.was kinda funny actually. and my darn bro keeps telling writing comments on how i take steriods. knn stop it aaron. people actually think i really take em thanks to you. anyhow thats all for now so ciao!

2007-06-25T08:26:00.000-07:00

hmmm well i acted for the first time on friday, and i kinda forgot a line. but its ok cause like no one noticed. and to whoever reads this i do not sasshay! does anyonw have the song clothes off by gym class heroes?
anyhow as i was gonna say schools started oh well what difference, i had school everday during the hols.

sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
let life go on i dunnoe wad im talking about i dont feel lie riting rite now
so ciao!

2007-06-21T08:42:00.000-07:00

how u feel
is it pretty and joyful
or the pitifulness of what u have become

do the lies you tell make you perfect
or does it make you sad
do you feel sad everytime you open your eyes
or does it make u happy

how did you look into my eyes
with all those lies
does it make you feel good to know im gone

each day passes without my thinking of your touch
its like the emptiness the feeling of the unholy thoughts
i wish you'd just leave me alone

but you keep haunting me with memories of the past
this time i know its over i keep telling itll be the last
but it never ends no matter how hard i try

why dont u just leave and go
why cant i just be along
why do u have to stay
why did u say
why did u have to stay
why did u have to stay

the truth hurts

2007-06-21T08:36:00.000-07:00

so well i was thinking about what someone or well what 2 people said yesterday or what i think was yesterday. i am never serious. is it true? well anyhow i asked another friend just now, and he said i was never serious either. its quite strange how i have changed, i am never serious no matter what. crap! maybe i should stop being playful and start becoming serious. but then i think ill be boring. but hmmmm........
i dunoe maybe being serious and being matured is fun. well if it is i dunnoe
shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im so screwed up
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

its getting to me

2007-06-20T10:38:00.000-07:00

well the days have been very long of late and im starting to despise waking up in the morning. i used to miss getting dreams and nightmares, but now they dont seem to stop. its like everyone keeps dying in my dream. itll be kinda freaky if it was true. think im not getting enough sleep. i needa let out steam soon! anyhow maybe a run should do it well hopefully. getting tired of going to school constantly. it seems like there is no hols. its not as fun as i thought it would be well hope that it will be sooooooon.
for fucks sake will it end soon, why dont i die in my dreams i wanna leave earth!

stay

2007-06-19T09:07:00.000-07:00

said u dont gotta go
this aint the end
i wish there was more
but maybe this is it

you dont have to leave
you dont gotta walk out the door
if u stay for just another night
ill love you like theres no more

we can hold each other
to the break of dawn
u can hold me tight
like your in love

or carelessly caress me
like i was as important as he
but it ends there

i wish it didn't
but its not up to us
if fate was so kind to show me another life
i'd hold you close before i leave
and breathe down your neck
and hope you fall for me for just that one time

i'd hold that second for the rest of time
like everything meant nothing.

its become so lonely without you
tell me its gonna end
cause this has gotta die
or ill be held in this emptiness forever

empty

2007-06-17T22:16:00.001-07:00

woke up on the floor from last night
and she was gone
all i could see was the empty light of dawn

i knew now that she was out
all i could feel was your little touch
the sadness it overcomes the joy
of what was meant to be an empty heart

if i had seen you just for the last time
i would have held so dear and close
feeling ur every touch was more then
i could hope
but now its all gone im just an empty vessel

oh how i wished it was all just a dream
and how u left means nothing to me
but now its over and i want you to return
from this empty dream

random thing

2007-06-15T10:02:00.000-07:00

You might agree with
it, but when it actually happens 96%
of girls dont realize it 'til it is
too late and that guy who did it is so
frustrated that he has moved on to
someone who will take notice.

From a guys point of view:

We don't care if you talk to other
guys.

We don't care if you're friends with
other guys.

But when you're sitting next to us, and
some random guy walks into the room and
you jump up and tackle him, without
even introducing us, yeah, it pisses
us off.

It doesn't help if you sit there and
talk to him for ten minutes without
even acknowledging the fact that we're
still there.

We don't care if a guy calls you, but
at 2 in the morning we do get a little
concerned.

Nothing is that important at 2 a.m.
that it can't wait till the morning.

Also, when we tell you you're pretty/
beautiful/ gorgeous/cute/stunning, we
freaking mean it.

Don't tell us we're wrong.

We'll stop trying to convince you.

One of the sexiest thing about a girl
is her confidence.

Don't be mad when we hold the door
open.
Take Advantage of the mood i'm in.

let us pay for you! dont "feel bad"
about it

We enjoy doing it. It's expected.

Smile and say "thank you."

Kiss us when no one's watching.

If you kiss us when you know somebody's
looking, we'll be more impressed.

You don't have to get dressed up for
us.

If we're going out with you in the
first place, you don't have to feel
the need to wear the shortest skirt
you have or put on every kind of
makeup you own.

We like you for who you are and not
what you are.

honestly, i think a girl looks more
beautiful when she's just in her pj's.
or my tshirt and boxers, not all
dolled up

Don't take everything we say seriously.

Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the
beauty in it.

Don't get angry easily.

Stop using magazines/media as your
bible.

Don't talk about how hott Morris
Chesnutt, Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney
is in front of us.

It's boring, and we don't care. You
have girlfriends for that.

Whatever happened to the word
"handsome"/"beautiful"

Girls, I cannot stress this enough:if
you aren't being treated right by a
guy, dont wait for him to
change. ditch him.
sorry, disgrace to the male population
ass and find someone who will treat you
with utter respect.

Someone who will honor your morals.

Someone who will make you smile when
you're at your lowest.

Someone who will care for you even when
you make mistakes.

Someone who will love you, no matter
how bad you make them feel, or what
you do.

Someone who will stop what theyre doing
just to look you in the eyes....and say
"i love you". and actually mean it.

Give the nice guys a chance

Tips for the less experienced:

*Holdin Hands
Girls :If you want to hold his hand,
gently bump into it a couple of
times.
Guys : Grab it if it happens more than
once.

*Cuddling
Girls : When you want to cuddle with
him, tell him you're cold
Guys : Automatically move closer to
her.

*Movies
Girls : During a movie, if he puts his
arm around you, tilt your head on his
shoulder
Guys : Lift her chin up and kiss her.

*Loving each other
Guys : When she tells you she loves
you,
look deep into her eyes, give her a
peck
on the lips, and tell her you love her
too... And mean it.

*Laying below the stars
Girls : When you're both laying under
the stars, put your head on his chest
and close your eyes as you listen to
his steady heart beat
Guys : Whisper in her ear and link your
hands with hers.

well i thought this was rather interesting, someone posted it on frenster
hmmmm..................
drama seems to be taking up time, the most active i have ever been in school!
oh well

waiting for the 7.18

2007-06-14T02:36:00.000-07:00

well so when i thought id finally have friends from school to hang out with, besides my classmates i thought heck its gonna be fun, but hmmm lately it seems to with just one person, crap!
but it aint that bad i mean its kinda fun hanging. but my other friends have disappeared, i have never hung out wid someone for 5 days in a row kinda new actually, but fun still. at least i wont be only crazy person around then!
anyhow so i have invited 3 people to watch me act in wad appears to be only 1 scence for now. hmmmm i dont think theyll laugh and now my sister is coming as well.
i miss running and wanting to go and do real boxing, and all the sporty things i wanted to do.
i have changed alot this past year, well actuall since school started.and alot in my life has changed as well, people who were close are non existent quite sad to think about it. oh well thats life!

anyhow gotta go meet my only crazy friend in abit. and yes shawn you are my real friend.
well ciao for now

2007-06-10T20:54:00.000-07:00

hmmm well yesterday was a heck of a day, watching oceans 13, hanging out in vivo for like god knows how long, anyhow going back to the old monksill was interesting. alil creepy but fun still. anyhow gotta go for some movie marathon thingy soon. so ciao for now!

CRAP!

2007-06-08T11:07:00.000-07:00

well the exams are finally over, i sat at the school bus stop after for like 2hours talking, ahhaah and i dint realise the time, oh well
saw sanjay on the bus been awhile since i saw him, his grown a lot taller, and then i became shoert again crap!!!!!!!
hmmm well tonight was really stunning. at like 530 i pictured myself sleeping in bed by 9, my legs were aching from all the squats! who knew going to a church dudes house would end up in me drinking so much of wine! its wherever i go quite sad to think of it. hmmm well saw a bunch of people from my primary school there, so dint expect that. anyhow after being sent home by a very nice person, saw my brothers, and half of the shunfu people there. its quite weird, suddenly not feeling like ur wud ur own anymore. its like im a stranger now like i dont matter anymore oh well, should have gotten used to that. guess the niceness would only last for awhile should have known better.
quite sad to think about it. oh well guess thats my life. well ciao for now

dead!

2007-06-07T06:23:00.000-07:00

hello everyone another day gone and another day i died in school, the tests seemed to just get harder, not like last years papers. god knows what the schools trying to do. oh well i guess im dead tmr again.anyhow well today went by soo fast, i woke up went to school and came home, and it was 7 already its like the day just went by and i have no idea what happened. it was like that in the exam hall as well 1 second its started and then the next its over. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
well im just hoping tmr is like the paper the lecturer gave us for once.hmmm everyone seems to think it was hard cept for maybe one or two people.well guess i gotta studay for my last paper cant wait for 12 freaking 30 tmr. then itll be over and 2 weeks of holidays!
anyhow gotta study now for tmr
so ciao

2007-06-06T04:34:00.000-07:00

hello people, today= second day of death with the common tests.i think tomorrow will be alot better well hopefully.anyhow todayat school people were staring at me weirdly. wads wrong with licking ice cream,and the jelly thing got really looong.it looked interesting though. kinda felt weird having something so long go into my mouth and down my throat.
hmmm, kinda like never mind ahhahahah.
anyhow i did some of del, bloody borin seems altir, so long i can use my calculator to anser everything.well 2 days left and then 2 weeks of HOLIDAYS, i never thought that that word would ever sound so good. anyhow i needa get back to my books so ciao for now